pudding

the little secret i have been keeping is that i am shrinking. that's right, i have lost fifteen pounds. i am now rocking out at around one hundred and forty pounds, which is still a little on the thicker side for being only 5'1", but hey i'm never going to be pixie thin. seriously, being born with hips this wide is not conducive to ever being truly tiny. though i do admire the ladies who come about that look naturally. my happiness stems not so much from the number on the scale so much as the fact that my shrinkage keeps me from sporting the quadro boob look that came from being a few pounds heavier. i hate that the most noticeable place i gain and lose weight from is my boobs, buying new bras kind of sucks when your weight fluctuates as much as mine does. the awesome part is that i wasn't even trying, it seems that the second i give up i begin to achieve my goals. weird. my overall goal is to get down to one hundred and thirty pounds, not too thin not too thick, just right. i've come to realize that i am never going to return to being the 110 that i was as a freshman in high school, my boobs were a cup size smaller then too and given the choice i will never go back, if only for the sake of my chest. i just look better with a slightly softer frame. namely i want to get to one weight and stay there so i'm not in between sizes in clothes, it is terribly frustrating to buy clothes in one size and within a few weeks have them be either too big or too small. that i can do without. giving up on my hopes of being 110 again are as logically on par as my hopes of being blonde, or tall, just not going to happen and if it were possible i probably wouldn't like the result as much as i fanaticize that i would. in other news i made some really good chili tonight. tried out a new recipe, it was yummy. sylvester has started to come out from under the couch more often, because of the bell on his collar i can hear him milling around late at night. both cats are camera shy. i wish i had a digital camera, oh well, that will be the next investment. i'm trying to learn how to cook. i want to know how to make more than spaghetti. spent most of the day copying down recipes onto index cards. cooking would make a good hobby, as we all know i desperately need a hobby. i spent the first part of the day feeling like crap, but it got better as the evening wore on. i slept so long today, had massive headache. blah. so aside from sleeping forever today was alright. tomorrow and tuesday are going to be fairly busy days. but after that i should be able to relax and work on some of the shit that needs to be done around the house. there are still boxes and stuff that need to be thrown away and my bathroom still looks like the hba section threw up on it.