pudding

and there must be something going on because i can't sleep and with as far away as you are i'm pretty damn sure you aren't sleeping either. the craziness has gone so far that it is two thiry in the fucking morning and i'm running the dishwasher probably pissing off my neighbors. i still chuckle to myself when i think about the vacant apartment below me and consider stomping around just for the hell of it since those bastards are gone. goddamn i hated those guys. at any rate i'm not asleep an there in lies the problem. and my ears hurt like hell because my dumbass has continued to sleep on them in spite of my best efforts not to. because i am dumb and can't help myself. an hour ago i decided it was wise to wax my eyebrows, it panned out okay but for anyone else i would highly discourage far too early eyebrow waxing. it just so happens that i have such sparse eyebrows that if i were to wax off a chunk no one would really be the wiser. and fuck me for not remembering that i have a shrink appointment in the morning. i have no doubts that i will be in rare form in the morning because i am in rare form now. oh sweet god have mercy on poor lane tomorrow. i am already pissed that i haven't been sleeping even though the reason for not sleeping is a good one. i am so excited that joe is coming home that i have lost grip on all the good sense i may have had at one point. who am i kidding, i never had any sense, lets not fool ourselves here. maybe i should forego drawing on my eyebrows in the morning and scare small children in the process. now that is just unfair, scaring small children who are already seeing a shrink. what could be scarier than that? very little, i couldn't imagine being analyzed at such a young age, fuck that. i can barely stand it now. poor kids. anyway, that was just a mini tantrum. forget i said anything. and fuck everyone who doesn't get it. and if you ask what it is then you can never hope to know. i'm a bastard like that sometimes, most times. it's hard to be so pissed off and happy all at once, i feel like i'm going to combust. damn it.