pudding

i am sensing very little love for me these days. even my own family doesn't want to hang out with me, case in point is my brother who ditched out on me for some girl he's chasing after. and while she is a nice and all around wonderful girl and i'm sure she makes him very happy there is no excuse for ditching out on me, no matter how cool she is. my mother, by the time i got to her house, was already asleep which makes me think she must be getting older by the day if anytime before 11 qualifies as bed time. and while i was shown love by my buddy ethan i am also once again reminded that i can be slightly annoying when is comes to getting lonely in a short amount of time. i am sometimes genuinely pathetic and can not be left unattended for long. i woke up at three thirty this afternoon only to be immediately struck by loneliness calling my mother a mere fifteen minutes after waking up, so sad. and my ears hurt because my dumb ass chose to sleep on the side of my head even though i have brand new piercings in my ears, the most intelligent decision i've made as of late i am sure. i'm getting sick of penciling in my eyebrows but don't have the patience to grow them back in. i rolled change this evening, thats how i pass the time when i'm alone. that and daydreaming of tijuana. i just want not to feel like a losery dumb ass when i spend time by myself. now there is a goal worth reaching.