pudding

i didn't bother doing this last night because frankly i was exhausted. from what? not from work or shopping with my mom, or anything really, i just was tired as hell. i feel like i put so much of myself out there and get nothing in return, with the exceptions of sadness and anger. i am seriously considering going back to the hospital. i've been downloading music like crazy, what the hell else is there to do? i didn't even write a letter to joe yesterday, what kind of lousy wife am i. i could tell you. i woke up this morning to the sound of that asshole downstairs talking on his cell phone on the patio. i shouldn't even be awake right now. it's my day off and i am supposed to do laundry with my mom, but i don't want to. even though i should, i am running out of clothes. at some point i have to make it to walmart to fill my prescriptions. hard to want to move a whole lot. too much effort. and thats the thing, i'm cool at work, i'm fine, i act normal, but fuck me if i don't fall apart and crash when i get home. i can't go back to bed until that asshole gets off his phone. i don't know if he just enjoys listening to himself talk, but damn if he isn't the loudest motherfucker on the planet. i hate my downstairs neighbors. they are both loud as hell in everything they do. this i why sometimes i stomp down the stairs. maybe i will sleep on the couch. i hate the couch.