pudding

my scalp is burning, more on that later if i'm lucky. if not, fuck it. had a totally enlightening conversation with my mom during our laundry date. it was about how i want people to perceive me, and how they do. it was just interesting. i want to be loved for who i am, it's that simple. that is my only point, love me for everything that iam. thats all i want. it's not ever going to happen completely though, i mean, not everyone can love you. always got to be haters, god please tell me i didn't just say that. forget i said that, it was the first cliche thing that popped into my head. sorry folks. had to put on the hoodie, freezing my balls off. i have this bleach shit on my head because i have to bleach my hair to get it to turn the correct shade of red later. and i have to work in the morning, super. it could take up to ninety minutes for this crap to work its magic, suck. but i've got the internet and an orange cream slush so i am contented. kind of. go try the orange cream slush, and when it becomes the love of your life remember who turned you on to it. or just turned you on. hahaha, like that'll ever happen. today was an okay day, nothing spectacular, kind of dull. i think it is finally setting in that joe is leaving, it's putting us both is a very somber mood. this is life changing shit that is about to happen, no looking back. no regrets, just jump into the deep end. if you are going to go, go all out. the only way to live. it's only been a little while and i am already tired of having this shit on my head. the price you pay for trying to look fierce. i'm not tired, took a nap at five, slept for a couple hours. didn't sleep for shit last night, god damn it sucked. never again will i drink tequila and eat peanut butter cookies, never. the combo sucked. live and learn. i want to give a shout out to someone but i don't know what to say, i've said it all and they know it. it's weird the things people just know without you ever really having to say anything, or at least you hope they know 'cause if they don't intrinsically know you have a lot of explaining to do. i have no idea what i went by that. it will make perfect to sense to someone out there. inspiration comes from the strangest places, today it was the rolling stones. ask me about it some time. it's hard to make me happy, like genuinely happy, not bullshit type happy. my hair has reached the orange weird ass bleaching stage, i give it another twenty minutes before i rinse this hit out and dye it red. the red i picked it really pretty, i'm all excited about it. i have tried to be more vocal and nice, but it isn't working so i'm going back to hermit status. i'm not sad right now, but there are a lot of things floating around in my head. pensive would be a good descriptor. it is a real mind bender to think that in two months or so we will be leaving this place. i can't stand the thought of leaving my family, so i push it to the back of my mind and try to focus on the time i have left with them. i've told my mom on numerous occasions that i wish she would move with us, not into the same house, but to the same city. i mean it too. i told case he should come too, but of course he has college to think about and wouldn't want to move wherever the hell it is we are going. this is making me sad so i'm going to stop for now.