pudding

three words. dont. be. dumb. its that easy. or at least its that easy most of the time, but don't ask me to take my own advice. ever. and it seems that there is an abundance of that here lately, you would think that that at some point everyone would just wise up, but i know i don't so i really don't expect others to either. all of those wonderful virtues that we are supposed to have as people are so easy in theory, in practice they are difficult. honesty, integrity, chivalrousness, kindness, understanding, empathy, trust, patience, maturity, practicality. all good, all worthwhile things to want to strive for, but all difficult in practice, some more than others. depends on the person. and only the self-righteous don't have trouble with these things, don't see fault in themselves. i don't know how the hell i got to this topic. the point is that we all have faults, and not even small ones, i'm talking large personal failings, but understanding our faults, accepting them and making the most of them is what counts. anyone who claims not to have one of five is a damnable liar and should be kicked in the shin repeatedly. and that is all i can say about that. i could list off all the failings i have personally, but if you know me, and/or have read this regularly you know what those faults are and could probably write an essay on them if asked. and my ego doesn't need to take a beating this evening. saw my shrink today, talked to him about all the business going on lately and how i've dealt with it. he wrote me a prescription for clonazepam (which i've been on before) to calm this anxiety issue i've been having. and we talked about the intricacies of marriage and how complicated it all is. he says that people aren't lying when they say its all about communication, so there is free therapy for the rest of you. this communication thing is hard, you begin to notice how much you think but you never actually say. odd isn't it? i fear moving away, i don't think i have enough of my issues sorted out yet. maybe i should become one of those self-help junkies. maybe i should watch oprah, there could be something there i'm missing seeing as how she has a cult-like following. nah, that shit just ain't me, i don't feel like getting in touch with my spirit most days. and i hate doctor phil, that man is horrible, why people watch and take advice from him is beyond me. i wish i was one of those people that are astonishingly resilient and can let almost anything just roll right off them. everything sticks to me, no matter how small. i'm going to try to busy myself now, but i'm pretty sure i will fail. hows that for self-help?