pudding

looked at an apartment for me and the family, it was okay. not as big or pricey as the one at the villages at whiteman, but it was a reasonable price, and would meet our needs just fine. so hopefully that will come through. i think i just need to get out of this living situation, not to be mean or anything but it is just it's tense in a way. you would have to be here to get it i guess. it not that we are fighting or anything, but something just feels weird. i want yellow cake with chocolate frosting so bad right now. cravings are terrible, i'm sure i will fixate on this until i cave and go get it. it's not really the prepared cake that i hunger for so much as it is the cake mix and tub of frosting separately. did laundry with mom, this is becoming a kind of pseudo-tradition. my lollipop tree is getting smaller by the hour. i am completely out of soda and am trying to drink as much at work as i can to satisfy my lust for it. speaking of lust...i have refused to open any emails from sephora because they will only tempt me to use the credit cards that i am trying to eliminate from my life. i love sephora.com (since we don't have a store around here). i remember my first and only dior lipstick, god, unwrapping that beautiful blue tube was exhilarating. i know this will make no sense to a male, unless he uses makeup in which case you can relate, but there is just something about opening the packaging of a new product that thrills me like nothing else. there is that new makeup smell, it should be bottled. i would wear it as a signature fragrance for the rest of my life. no joke. i miss that. so sad. it makes me long for my days of financial recklessness, sigh. why must i be cursed with a desire for designer cosmetics? or even just cosmetics in general? that is the funny thing, i don't wear enough make up to warrant this kind of obsession, but there is something about hording it that makes me feel good. odd.