where to start...i got up at 11:30, went to work to see what the hell i'm working tomorrow, came home, went back to sleep until 2, ate pizza, did nothing, got ice cream with joey, came home, continued doing nothing. and once again i am alone this evening, suck. the little things that used to make me feel better, like shaving my legs, waxing my eyebrows, painting my toenails, you know just girly type shit are failing me. i did all that yesterday and still feel very blah. i need to do laundry, but it's not going to happen tonight i don't think. my nails are the longest they have been in forever. i keep accidentally scratching myself with them, not used to it. i wish there was some giant rant i could go on here, maybe that would satisfy me. but that's not going to happen either. i'm just tired, and i want to go to sleep, but i have work in the morning. i tried to nap but it didn't work. my desk is a mess, littered with soda cans and papers, and a pile of pens. i need to get a second job. i hate looking for jobs. and there is something rolling through my head that is probably better kept to myself and it's driving me crazy. i would love to let it out, but don't want to deal with it. found a theme song for the moment, matches the tattoo. i have run out of soda, fuck. i should have planned this out better. and i'm lonely, but no one cares. why should they, i wouldn't, lets be honest here. i talked to my mom about this thing that is in my head that i have been analyzing all to hell. no conclusion was reached. just empty. there is a certain amount of struggle in everyday that i think other people can relate to, because they have it too, but can't completely understand because they are not you. i wish so badly to be able to tell you and have you understand completely. and i don't know what it takes to satisfy me, i can't make a list of traits that a person must have to gain a place in my inner circle. can't do it, i'd just ignore it anyway. i can't satisfy me, i know that much. not that i am looking for any person, friend or foe, to fill that little void. i'm not. i just wish to be surrounded by people that get it. ah yes, the infamous it. it just is, it's not a pigeonhole, or a type, or a genre of people. i guess if i were forced at gun point to pick one thing that it is i would say that it is a certain level of understanding. don't hold me to that, it can and will change, but right at this moment in time that is how i choose to describe it. and it just exists, in music, art, everything. i see it every now and again, or hear it on the radio, or run across it described in the journals of others. this is it. 