pudding

when you have a lot of time alone with your thoughts you begin to wonder how valid they are. i get to a certain point in thinking where i just can't anymore. i know that makes me sound dumb, but it's the truth. a person can only go over the same thing so many times before shut down is vital to continued existance. i feel like a goldfish in a tiny bowl, swimming in circles. my goldfish name is Sugar. and i'm not really helping myself out any, i stress and ponder. i obsess. and once all the engery has drained from me, then i can rest but only then. and not a minute sooner. and the apartment search starts tomorrow, and i have to look for a new attorney-this one is too busy to make money off my disfunction. tell us about it janet. work was restless hell, i milled around for an hour and a half before ever having to take a table. and when i did have customers they were so needless that i could stand hugging the cooler without it being a problem. hit wendy's with my mom, quality time i call it. i needed to check in with her, if i don't every few days my world will fall apart. she keeps me as sane as anyone can. i need something that i feel i have been missing for a long time. i don't know what it is, but if you find out let me know. there is a reward, but i don't know what it is yet. after tomorrow i have another mind melting three day weekend. i don't feel much like myself tonight, and i hate having three full days to mull over the cause. maybe it's all the open-ended questions in my life, unsettling. i'm not unhappy but i'm not happy. i go day to day the same way lately and that's sad. what gives me pause on that thought is that it could all change in a second, i mean something great could be 3 seconds away. you never know, right? i don't know, not even going to pretend to. i tend to be a pessimist, so the fact that i'm even trying to look at things diffrently is a sign that the world is going to end. you heard it here first, the end is near.