pudding

and i don't know what it is about just a few words that can make me feel five degrees shy of retarded. saw my shrink today now taking 1350 mg of lithium(2 in the morning and one at night), 150(one and a half in the morning)of lamictal and 1mg of clonazepam, and seroquel as needed to help my lame ass sleep. sigh. i want to be able to resist the urges i get to basically beat myself up. got a hair cut by a girl i went to school with, she is real sweet and totally laid back, the kind of person wound up people like me idolize. i got so stressed out at work today that i started shaking. did a shit ton of business this morning, i am the only waitress until 11 so i got the brunt of the madness. my body has this odd electric feeling i haven't felt in a while, that could be bad. i bruised my knuckle, because i can be really dumb at times. my tiny heart is in my throat and my jaw is on the fucking floor. if you really know me, you'll understand what all this means.