I uploaded some new pics yesterday... Maaaaaybe some more will go up before the weekend, who knows.
Last night was so sad, I was so angry and hurtful things ... and yuck. This morning quite the opposite-I felt like a million bucks this morning. I don't understand, I can't understand how I'm supposed to act. I'm supposed to go against acting like myself and feeling myself because it is just unacceptable.
In some way that I don't even really understand.
This is the most confused I have ever been in my life, Love and the act of loving someone.. putting all that you are into someone, and blah blah blah is scary enough. This is like 10,000 times more scary than that.
At the end of the day I feel emotionally suffacated, all alone, and like a deformed freak because I have this heartache and no one seems to think it is appropriate. Silly or something. It's like I just want all I put into you, all thats there even though you haven't picked me... to be okay. I can't go back and shake this feeling. I don't want to. But when you make me feel like it's out of line, or dumb, or not needed ... I feel not needed, dumb, and so on. Too much is invested to change it. I know you have other things on your mind, I have other things on my mind too. Just nothing hurts more, I don't know how to say all of this without feeling silly. I feel silly for feeling this way, When really it's so awesome.. I guess just circumstance did that. But it's real and not going away. It hurts in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to feel this way.
Last night was so sad, I was so angry and hurtful things ... and yuck. This morning quite the opposite-I felt like a million bucks this morning. I don't understand, I can't understand how I'm supposed to act. I'm supposed to go against acting like myself and feeling myself because it is just unacceptable.
In some way that I don't even really understand.
This is the most confused I have ever been in my life, Love and the act of loving someone.. putting all that you are into someone, and blah blah blah is scary enough. This is like 10,000 times more scary than that.
At the end of the day I feel emotionally suffacated, all alone, and like a deformed freak because I have this heartache and no one seems to think it is appropriate. Silly or something. It's like I just want all I put into you, all thats there even though you haven't picked me... to be okay. I can't go back and shake this feeling. I don't want to. But when you make me feel like it's out of line, or dumb, or not needed ... I feel not needed, dumb, and so on. Too much is invested to change it. I know you have other things on your mind, I have other things on my mind too. Just nothing hurts more, I don't know how to say all of this without feeling silly. I feel silly for feeling this way, When really it's so awesome.. I guess just circumstance did that. But it's real and not going away. It hurts in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to feel this way.