pubert

I got a text message from her today, she it yesterday...so she's probly had enough time to regreat expressing the sentiment. Against my parents wishes i called her back and left a message. They think its a trap to indite me. I've so far only wavered once in that one last promise i have yet to brake, and at this point i'm rather content to keep it for the time being. Although the shrinks putting me on mood stabalizers which could be the end of me but i'll give them a chance. I'm so confuzeled now. I'm under the inpression she has a new bf now, i could be mistaken but thats the inpression air molocules surrounding the situation are infroming me of. I can feel it in my blood. Maybe she just had a fight, maybe she just wanted to make him jealous...or maybe i'm over looking the obvious in that there are no conditions beset unto that settlement, other than honesty. I miss her daughter i miss her, i miss having a reason to do something with my life.

But aside from missing her, is the pain of knowing i brooke a promise. I said i'd never lay a hand on her daughter and swore to her that i would keep that promise as long as there is tar gripping my lungs. Now her daughter and her have emotional scars deeper than the bruises i created that put me here in the first place, cut with my metophical exacto blade.

I want to warn her about my lawyers, but i kinda got so wrapped up stating i miss you, i forgot to metnion how much i miss evey, or waking up next to her, or the brown eyes, or just the knowledge i couldn't give up on life just yet cause seh was counting on me...god damnit all! THis whole thing sucks. I still love her, whole heartidly and quite frankly have a hard time grasping the concept that someone else is gonna ever fill the void i created in my heart.

....somewhere someday somehow maybe theres a way!