There are somethings in this world you can throw your hands up in the air and say well it didn't work out... I give up! Or you can fight it tooth and nail with everything you got. I haven't talked to my public defender yet, but when I do i'm gonna do everything in my power to remain part of that little girls life. I mean i'm enlisting soon so the opportunites that will be afforded to me to see her will be limited. I don't care what her mom says shes still getting half my check to make sure that little girl is taken care of even though i'm well aware her mom can do it just fine by herself. I'm not doign this in hopes that her mom will take me back. I'm in condition to be taken back. I gotta grow up. I gotta deal with some issues. But this for me is two things, A) my way of making restitutions for the shit storm i created in their lives.
and B) this way my mind will be at ease to ensure they won't have to starve or anything.
I'll keep this up until theres a ring around her moms finger and a dad in that little girls life. I know i rushed things with her mom and her daughter. But my cousins (who is by all definitions the closet thing i've had to a sibling complete with the rivalry and all) dad abdoned her pretty much when she was a little girl. My dad did the best he could for her, and told me when i was 12 years old "every little girl needs a dad chris." God i so wanted to be that to the little girl. However i took my role prematurly and to far and assumed the role of disaplinarian (which was never my liberty to take to begin with) and now i'm without the girl, and if I come near that little girl again they take her away from her mom and put me in jail. I hope the Public Defender well let amanda testify. I hate the D.A. They make out to be i'm some crazy child hating wife beating outta control pill popping mess. My story hasn't been told accuratly to the judge yet.
This is what the judge got from the D.A. About me. "this young man has only known the mother for 10weeks, and when the little girl got out of bed inturupting him and her he did this!" And submitted the photos. Than used the fact that i was diagnosed bi-polar and refuse to take medication as grounds for "is a danger to the mother, and in my option shouldn't be allowed out of prison, let alone to afforded the opportunity to do further harm."
Christ i'm moving back. I just want to say goodbye. And more importantly than that verify with her mom weather or not i knocked her up...which something in my gut tells me i did. Something in my guts also tells me not to give up on this. I mean yeah the feelings for her mom are still there and just as strong as they were, but one things clear. If something (god willing at this point) was to ever happen again between me and her i need to grow the fuck up. This isn't some overnight thing. I can't just say ok now i'm more mature lets go right back to where we were. My mom wants me to go back to a shrink. I'm thinking about going through the trouble getting a script back for my "un" disease, and flushing the bottle.
People tend to think that oh your off your meds your a fucking nut. let me tell you something, ultimatly being bi-polar means i'm emotional but that doesn't mean i can't controll it. However let me tell you what bi-polar medication does for me. I become increadaby docile and dormant. I speak very little, and have a tendcy to just sit and think about things. Not to mention my last couple of suicde attempts we're mostly fuled by the medication that i took at regular intervals. Upon discovering the meds made me incredably depressed, i also discovered they only made me happy when taken half a bottle at a time.
and B) this way my mind will be at ease to ensure they won't have to starve or anything.
I'll keep this up until theres a ring around her moms finger and a dad in that little girls life. I know i rushed things with her mom and her daughter. But my cousins (who is by all definitions the closet thing i've had to a sibling complete with the rivalry and all) dad abdoned her pretty much when she was a little girl. My dad did the best he could for her, and told me when i was 12 years old "every little girl needs a dad chris." God i so wanted to be that to the little girl. However i took my role prematurly and to far and assumed the role of disaplinarian (which was never my liberty to take to begin with) and now i'm without the girl, and if I come near that little girl again they take her away from her mom and put me in jail. I hope the Public Defender well let amanda testify. I hate the D.A. They make out to be i'm some crazy child hating wife beating outta control pill popping mess. My story hasn't been told accuratly to the judge yet.
This is what the judge got from the D.A. About me. "this young man has only known the mother for 10weeks, and when the little girl got out of bed inturupting him and her he did this!" And submitted the photos. Than used the fact that i was diagnosed bi-polar and refuse to take medication as grounds for "is a danger to the mother, and in my option shouldn't be allowed out of prison, let alone to afforded the opportunity to do further harm."
Christ i'm moving back. I just want to say goodbye. And more importantly than that verify with her mom weather or not i knocked her up...which something in my gut tells me i did. Something in my guts also tells me not to give up on this. I mean yeah the feelings for her mom are still there and just as strong as they were, but one things clear. If something (god willing at this point) was to ever happen again between me and her i need to grow the fuck up. This isn't some overnight thing. I can't just say ok now i'm more mature lets go right back to where we were. My mom wants me to go back to a shrink. I'm thinking about going through the trouble getting a script back for my "un" disease, and flushing the bottle.
People tend to think that oh your off your meds your a fucking nut. let me tell you something, ultimatly being bi-polar means i'm emotional but that doesn't mean i can't controll it. However let me tell you what bi-polar medication does for me. I become increadaby docile and dormant. I speak very little, and have a tendcy to just sit and think about things. Not to mention my last couple of suicde attempts we're mostly fuled by the medication that i took at regular intervals. Upon discovering the meds made me incredably depressed, i also discovered they only made me happy when taken half a bottle at a time.