pubert

I almost did something really stupid last night. I almost brooke that promise...it feels at this point like theres no hope for me. Not even enlisting at this point is gonna save me I think. I will be moving back to battlecreek for the time being until my hearing is on the 28th. I have no idea when exactly i'm supposed to start boxing my things up but i suppose its for the better. Seeing as there probly gonna put me in prison soon so i'm not to concerned with moving. From the sound of it the D.A. is out for my blood. I'm being assined some half-wit public defender only because i resently lost my job. ANd i have no car, no $ and no way to get to these appointments. There absolutly is no hope for me this point. But i still have to pull my ass out of bed each day. Besides for all i know i could be a father. Hehh things get worse before they get better. And so far it seems i keep answering my own questions "what can i do to make this worse?" I have friends who are scared, more who taking this opportunity to abdaon me and aside from my mom and dad are quickly losing there spot as the only christopher supporters my family is taking this time to introduce me to jesus and to intervine. To little to late. I found jesus the other night. You know what he taught me

"don't fuck with people who have good connections...look what happend to rome"
-moral of that story

I miss someone an awful lot. I miss the bagage (approximatly 2 and 1/2 feet tall who love s the color pink) her light and validation she brought into my existance. I think the only thing getting me through this is the short number memories i was able to carry away from this whole situation. All of which are good. I wouldn't change a single one. Except for the one that made these last few weeks possible. Reguardless...no matter how low i am they still make me smile.

On another note turns out my idex funds are worth a shit house of money. What i'm hoping to work for here is some plea bargin that will still grant me access to the military. My plan there is to garnish my wages till my debts are paid. Send half my check to someone who could use the money a bit more than i can, than when my times up and i have a bachlors degree and resume that will get me anywhere i could hope to go grab soul less corporate office job. Have them pay for my masters degree. Receive a bonus for that, than leave them and work for someone else or start my own networking firm.