Man i've been reading over what i've written over the past couple days on here....god damn am i ever at all time new low. I get more pathetic by the hour. This isn't helping. I write on a journal which i keep for myself on word. Than i quicky update this journal with brife flashes of my life for what purpose...attention! A part of me wants to belive that people read this either empathsize with me or dispise me. I can live with that. Hunter S. Lived that his whole life.
But maybe thats the problem. Maybe I idolize all the wrong people and exhibit self destructive tendancies, modeled after life style or renegade scholars with dibilitating drug addictions. Hunter Warshiped Hemmingway. Look what happend to him. I idolize hunter.. Reguardless i'm building to something here so keep paying attention. At this moment in my life the only real reason i make it through the day is the prospect of being fucked up on some kind of new medication (prescribed or recomended i'm not sure which). So in the spirt of my new book and my found bachler status i'm going on a Hunter S. Style bender. I have all the materials. Flash light, hat, dart gun, booze, and various bags of...vitimins. All i'm missing is that cigarette thing and some pilot (wow i wanna join the airforce but i can't spell pilot?) sunglasses. Maybe a typewritter....and a slat shaker of cocaine. But i'm running out of time and funds here so i had to make due with I had avaliable at the time.
This will carry over for approximately 3 to 4 days. At which time i will denounce drug use. Denounce my demi gods and turn over a sober new leaf. This however will be the first and last time i ever drink in the mournings. A side mission of this for me is to better understand my fellow coworkers. But again i'm going hunter style crazy here so i'm justified. I shouldn't waiting around for someone worthwhile to come along brake the funk i'm in. I'm gonna brake this spell of depression... This time without the drugs. Without the aid of the friendships i've relied on in the past. Bymyself for myself.
IF i can pull this off get througth this mess. Join the airforce (god willing) i can get things rolling again in my life. THe forced sobrity of the service will do me worlds of good. Being back in school would be good. Thanks to this mess i've created i'm gonna lose the opportunity for my dream job. I'm going to be convicted of child mistreatment...to one degree or another, that much i'm sure of. I said earlier how desperate i am to talk to her. Wow doesn't that scream insecure. Doesn't that scream stalker???? Doesn't that scream above all else bad idea. With things seeming to be going good at her life in this point i'd hate to complicate this.
And just in case that person is reading this, which i pretend she does. I mean come on whats one cheap laugh at the expense of a loser? You may be supena'ed (hell you are going to have to testify) and you will more than likely see me there. If that is how this goes i promise i will not steal the judges mike and bust into "you lost that loving feeling"
But maybe thats the problem. Maybe I idolize all the wrong people and exhibit self destructive tendancies, modeled after life style or renegade scholars with dibilitating drug addictions. Hunter Warshiped Hemmingway. Look what happend to him. I idolize hunter.. Reguardless i'm building to something here so keep paying attention. At this moment in my life the only real reason i make it through the day is the prospect of being fucked up on some kind of new medication (prescribed or recomended i'm not sure which). So in the spirt of my new book and my found bachler status i'm going on a Hunter S. Style bender. I have all the materials. Flash light, hat, dart gun, booze, and various bags of...vitimins. All i'm missing is that cigarette thing and some pilot (wow i wanna join the airforce but i can't spell pilot?) sunglasses. Maybe a typewritter....and a slat shaker of cocaine. But i'm running out of time and funds here so i had to make due with I had avaliable at the time.
This will carry over for approximately 3 to 4 days. At which time i will denounce drug use. Denounce my demi gods and turn over a sober new leaf. This however will be the first and last time i ever drink in the mournings. A side mission of this for me is to better understand my fellow coworkers. But again i'm going hunter style crazy here so i'm justified. I shouldn't waiting around for someone worthwhile to come along brake the funk i'm in. I'm gonna brake this spell of depression... This time without the drugs. Without the aid of the friendships i've relied on in the past. Bymyself for myself.
IF i can pull this off get througth this mess. Join the airforce (god willing) i can get things rolling again in my life. THe forced sobrity of the service will do me worlds of good. Being back in school would be good. Thanks to this mess i've created i'm gonna lose the opportunity for my dream job. I'm going to be convicted of child mistreatment...to one degree or another, that much i'm sure of. I said earlier how desperate i am to talk to her. Wow doesn't that scream insecure. Doesn't that scream stalker???? Doesn't that scream above all else bad idea. With things seeming to be going good at her life in this point i'd hate to complicate this.
And just in case that person is reading this, which i pretend she does. I mean come on whats one cheap laugh at the expense of a loser? You may be supena'ed (hell you are going to have to testify) and you will more than likely see me there. If that is how this goes i promise i will not steal the judges mike and bust into "you lost that loving feeling"
littlepinkstar:
He's been around when you have not. Don't worry. hes afraid of eve anyways. Trying to get you off on a misdemeanor. testifying in court. it will get figured out. Your stuff will end up in your truck some day soon. She misses you, you know...