pubert

Ok fuck you johnny law I want a straight answer! So today i got a completly different answer about the no contact order. According to my P.O. here its only for a duration as a long my probation...he said if it was for life it would be a restraining order. This doesn't help me as much as I thought ti would. Because theres still the question of...would she answer the phone if I called a year or so from now? Would her ring finger still be naked?

She claims she wants no part of her past, and i happen to be a really ugly chapter of said past. At present i get mixed signals. One side says she hates me and wishes the cubans finished the job in the pen, another side steals my shitty poetry. That caustious paranoid side of me thinks its a trap to get be sent back to jail for 9months... by coaxing me into responding. As if one month wasn't bad enough. I already got the shit kicked out of me and had what i'd consider a real come to jesus moment (pre shit kicking). And besides i've been sober as a synagouge (as agonizing as that is) so I am taking this seriously.

Aside from wishing I could change the past, move mountians in the preasent, and smoke trees in teh future...I wish there was a way to secretly correspond...but if it was ever discovered i'd be on my way back to milwaukee county house of corrections...with no penatly to the girl (which is good.)

Thats the weakist thing of all about that whole thing. That girl could call, text, bbq a goat, set these curly little chest hairs on fire, post on my journal all she wanted with no fear of repocussions, but if I answer and don't hang up, or just plain respond I get in trouble...

Than again...yeah like a girl that awesome still thinks about me!