SO heres a brake down on the myriad of confusion that occupies the dormicile of skull. Everytime i think about what it is I did that put me in such dire straits I come to a lot of issues dealing with father son relationships. Than I transend that boundry and say to myself "ok the sins of the father are one thing...but you had a decission to make and made a bad fucking decission." Than hindsight kicks my ass about all things i did wrong in that relationship...failed promises...lost tempers...doing 2 things I never thought I was capable of doing. Braking that girls heart, and hurting...actully physically hurting the most beautiful baby girl some devine being and the foresight to create. Than I go into all these little emotional episodes about my insecurites and how they may or may not have manifested them in form of a spanking.
But now heres where I get confuzzled (no thats not a word its just fun to say). After I complete my 100hours of community service (next week baby!) anger management and parenting class, and a drug evaluation (I dread the parenting class more truth be told) my probation is liable to be droped. And they'll more than likely drop it before the year is up IF I have no violations. Violations consist of the follwoing (interacting with children under 16, being arrested, contacting the victim(s), dirty piss test, fail a breathe-a-lizer, and tight rope walk across two very tall buildings without a permit, oh and roof top vigilatism). Tall order right? BUt now the confuzzling part is this. If I do all that...i can talk to the girl again. I don't know if i'd go as far to pearch myself atop her car with 11lillies 1 black rose an accoustic guitar and undisclosed amount of yip...but maybe i can say hey over the phone without the fear of doing 9months in jail.
I would find that most satisfactory. But heres the deal I can't shake that feeling in my stomach that shes still thinking about me, and not in that castrate the bastard so his seed won't pollute the land sense, but more along the lines of I miss that crazy bastard...and his seed! OF course i'm often wrong about these thigns, and no girl ever in my brief history of dating has thought of me in terms of I miss you. Most only think of "OH GOD HOW DESPERATE WAS I THAT I HOOKED UP WITH YOU THAT WEEK IN TAHOE...MUST'VE BEEN THE OPIUM" But that girl was straight edge when she met me. Change of pace.
Or I could just say fuck the whole thing. Pick up the necronomicon and C-Section the earth and let all hell spill out and maye find her in the midst of all the chaos as long forgotton gods lay seige to bush territores. And than I'd be all like hey I'm a wizard now, and its armagedon, can we... I dunno cuddle?
But now heres where I get confuzzled (no thats not a word its just fun to say). After I complete my 100hours of community service (next week baby!) anger management and parenting class, and a drug evaluation (I dread the parenting class more truth be told) my probation is liable to be droped. And they'll more than likely drop it before the year is up IF I have no violations. Violations consist of the follwoing (interacting with children under 16, being arrested, contacting the victim(s), dirty piss test, fail a breathe-a-lizer, and tight rope walk across two very tall buildings without a permit, oh and roof top vigilatism). Tall order right? BUt now the confuzzling part is this. If I do all that...i can talk to the girl again. I don't know if i'd go as far to pearch myself atop her car with 11lillies 1 black rose an accoustic guitar and undisclosed amount of yip...but maybe i can say hey over the phone without the fear of doing 9months in jail.
I would find that most satisfactory. But heres the deal I can't shake that feeling in my stomach that shes still thinking about me, and not in that castrate the bastard so his seed won't pollute the land sense, but more along the lines of I miss that crazy bastard...and his seed! OF course i'm often wrong about these thigns, and no girl ever in my brief history of dating has thought of me in terms of I miss you. Most only think of "OH GOD HOW DESPERATE WAS I THAT I HOOKED UP WITH YOU THAT WEEK IN TAHOE...MUST'VE BEEN THE OPIUM" But that girl was straight edge when she met me. Change of pace.
Or I could just say fuck the whole thing. Pick up the necronomicon and C-Section the earth and let all hell spill out and maye find her in the midst of all the chaos as long forgotton gods lay seige to bush territores. And than I'd be all like hey I'm a wizard now, and its armagedon, can we... I dunno cuddle?