pubert

I think i've done more growing up in these past 2 weeks than i've done in three years. I'm even growing hair in funny places!!! I dunno what to say really. I still got a place in my heart for one certain girl, and by place i mean scar. I dunno my brusies on my ribs from my brief stay in jail are healing rather nicely. I look at um with a certain affinity. An affection of sorts that says I desirve worse, than again i'm torn between my own rightous sense of self preservastion vs. my daunghting need to be a marytar. I wish I wasn't on probation so I could use drugs...

drugs can give clairty and prespective. I'm locked in by own bad choices and my over zealous need to play daddy. If prayar accomplished anything i' have my hands interlocked and scarpe my knees till they we're bare asking some empty deity for devine intervention. Unfortinayly my new found spirituality hinges on the scope that jesus is devine, but can't solve your problems. So again prayer is not an option.

Realistically i'm just trying to do what I can to be a better person and stop carvnig peoples names into my wrist with razor blades when the going gets unbearable. The waters are steady for now, but i don't think i'm asking for to much when I say I want a good woman by my side. someone I can invest myself into. Someone who'd inspire me to do even greater things than I'm scheming for right now.... someone who is also capable of looking past my short cummings and short stature. Eh for i'm content being single... Gives me room to practice flirting with strangers.