pubert

Its quater to 3, I'm jittery and hearts twisting in knots and my stomach is bloated saturated in disgust and self loathing. Amidst the swirl of thoughts and head trauma i keep asking myself the same questions. Did she mean what she said? Am I going about this the right way? How is it I can love someone, enough to do whatever they ask of me (no matter how small or challenging), expect the one thing everyone around her is pleading that I do, and thats walk away gracefully. Maybe its my coming court date monday. Maybe its cause I never felt a happiness like that in my life when she was around, and it'd be near impossible to duplicate those emotions she made me experiance. Maybe its cause she gave me purpose and direction at time when they were considered luxieres of the emotionaly mature. What ever it is its keeping me up at night, waking me up at wierd hours of the mourning, and makes me want to boot up to compensate.

Theres a man playing a violin
and the strings
Are the nerves in his own arm

Hearse of my loney sleep
Shepards cart of my stupidity
The vehicle spins on the grass of an overgrown highway
In a blemish on the right window
Revolve pale lunar fictions breasts and leaves