Hehh i'd kill for clairity. All my life i was searching for meaning. I've read Victor Frankel's "Man's Search for Meaning" long before i met her. All i got out of it was the fact that happiness lies inside and its up to you to find it. I looked long and hard at myself inside and out. I couldn't find anything worth investing a second glance to. Granted i have an intelligance beyond measure, good looks, and a sharp wit. But i choose to waste my gifts on empty pursuits. "my potential out shined my ambitions by far, but i got to cought up in the game"- George Young. I excelled at several things, 1st physical atributes, i can run, fight duck and tumble with the best of them. 2nd i'm a cunning bastard, i've talked my way outta trouble all my life with great ease, its hard to stay mad at me when i make my cute face, even my mom can't resist it. Finally i met someone i could benifit.
She showed me maybe there are things inside me worth staying around for. Most of all i thought my presnance in her daughters life would've been detrimental to her florishing devlopment. Granted she had an awesome mother, an awesome family that gave her endless amount of support and love. But that pales in comparison to what a father could provide. And maybe with some aid and assistance on my part i could show her mother the same courtisy, that she is by all means not only a model human being worthy of saint hood, but also would make one hell of a model! But my temper and experiance in the field of father hood lost me this opportunity that only comes around about as often as hailey's commet. She moves on and i sit on my hands swallowing prescribed mood balancers, throw a wrench in her sleep routine. And as much as i'm sure i didn't help in the mournings helping her daughter get dressed, i'm sure she misses the effort i put forth, (half assed or just retarded is a question i''ll leave to the philosphers). But so far everyone in this mess has told me one constant. You'll never be alloud in there lives again!
SO i'm back at square one. DO i start peadling drugs again? Do I write the great american novel inside of prison wallls? Or do i move on with the flagrant hope that i could make belive someone else is gonna make me feel all those things my ex gf made me feel. Its so hard to let go your last reamining reason to get out of bed, let alone know that integrity will get you no where in our legal system. I fail to belive theres gonna be another milf like you. I fail to believe that i shouldn't be in prison. MY stomach has been eating itself over for hours, perhaps a diet of coffee and mood pills for breakfast isn't healthy. But the thought of her maybe wanting to give me a second chance makes my heart take up arms against my adams apple trying to make its way out of my mouth and on to the floor.
I've died over and over again in the back of my mind each time more cleaver than the last. And each time i review the consiquences of my potential actions i see her, i see her crying. Fuck my mom and dad. I care mroe about her. I'd goto jail for you (if my cocksucking shark swine of an attorney would let me). ALl i know though is one thing in my favor, one more fuck up from the D.A. office i get this tossed otu with of court for good. Meaning... if that happens (which i doubt it will, cause the da deputy handling the case originally had to leave and fetch someone who knows what there doing now) i can be aloud to see her again, but only if she'd want to. Which i want to believe she'd like...but how's her bf gonna take the news. I hope that guy turns out to be everything i promised to be.
She showed me maybe there are things inside me worth staying around for. Most of all i thought my presnance in her daughters life would've been detrimental to her florishing devlopment. Granted she had an awesome mother, an awesome family that gave her endless amount of support and love. But that pales in comparison to what a father could provide. And maybe with some aid and assistance on my part i could show her mother the same courtisy, that she is by all means not only a model human being worthy of saint hood, but also would make one hell of a model! But my temper and experiance in the field of father hood lost me this opportunity that only comes around about as often as hailey's commet. She moves on and i sit on my hands swallowing prescribed mood balancers, throw a wrench in her sleep routine. And as much as i'm sure i didn't help in the mournings helping her daughter get dressed, i'm sure she misses the effort i put forth, (half assed or just retarded is a question i''ll leave to the philosphers). But so far everyone in this mess has told me one constant. You'll never be alloud in there lives again!
SO i'm back at square one. DO i start peadling drugs again? Do I write the great american novel inside of prison wallls? Or do i move on with the flagrant hope that i could make belive someone else is gonna make me feel all those things my ex gf made me feel. Its so hard to let go your last reamining reason to get out of bed, let alone know that integrity will get you no where in our legal system. I fail to belive theres gonna be another milf like you. I fail to believe that i shouldn't be in prison. MY stomach has been eating itself over for hours, perhaps a diet of coffee and mood pills for breakfast isn't healthy. But the thought of her maybe wanting to give me a second chance makes my heart take up arms against my adams apple trying to make its way out of my mouth and on to the floor.
I've died over and over again in the back of my mind each time more cleaver than the last. And each time i review the consiquences of my potential actions i see her, i see her crying. Fuck my mom and dad. I care mroe about her. I'd goto jail for you (if my cocksucking shark swine of an attorney would let me). ALl i know though is one thing in my favor, one more fuck up from the D.A. office i get this tossed otu with of court for good. Meaning... if that happens (which i doubt it will, cause the da deputy handling the case originally had to leave and fetch someone who knows what there doing now) i can be aloud to see her again, but only if she'd want to. Which i want to believe she'd like...but how's her bf gonna take the news. I hope that guy turns out to be everything i promised to be.