pubert

I want to call and wish someone a happy birthday. But by this point that person probly thinks i'm a stranger. I'm not missed, i'm just holding onto a pathetic ideal that i might be important enough to have a 2nd thought or two.

Well i'm kinda pissed about the arrangements thus far. First off i hate funerals, i think they are passe. I mean when someone passes rather than mourn them...and have this dreary cry on a solider session shouldn't you rather celebrate there life? I mean death is inevitable one way or another (unless your me it seems) so in that reguard why does it always catch...
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My great grandma died this mourning so i'm told. I guess there will be a funeral held this weekend. I'm not to sad about it, she lived to the ripe old age of 98 and quite frankly it makes me happy to know her soul is at rest now. Good news is i maybe in mil-town this weekend in time for a certain someones birthday....
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Chris + Pills = Zombie

Hehh i'd kill for clairity. All my life i was searching for meaning. I've read Victor Frankel's "Man's Search for Meaning" long before i met her. All i got out of it was the fact that happiness lies inside and its up to you to find it. I looked long and hard at myself inside and out. I couldn't find anything worth investing a second...
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"Wha...pills for breakfast!?!?!?! do i look like Judy Garland to you?"

Things just keep getting worse. I was in a really bad accident yesterday...No one got hurt thankfully, although i wasn't wearing a seat belt, part of my i don't care about anything anymore campagin. In retrospect things could've been a lot worse. A good friend of mine was arrested last night and faces a shit house of trouble more so than i'm facing right now....
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"Now I'm lost..."
-Mars Volta
Interstatic E.S.P.

Truer words may or may not have been spoken

Heres tonights set list (which will probly not be adhered to like a cretain no contact agrement)

1) I've just seen a face (punk cover)
2) Judy is a punk (romanes cover)
3) Misconceptions (original)
4) Bedlam in the bedroom (original)
5) Lily rose mary and the...
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All these things are like the check engine light. YOu know its on, you know somethings up. But the furtherest to your knowledge the engines still there...I need another hint.

There is no maice in my heart or in my voice when it comes to discussing these matters. I don't care if she has a bf, i just care weather or not he treats her...
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Hehh i'm so confuzled about things. I miss her, god do i ever miss her. Its good to be missed, but its hard to tell how missed you are when she won't pick up the phone when you call. I mean i'm pretty much fucked if they find out i called her, which i'm sure they already know. IF asked about it i'll lie and...
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Replacement me ain't cutting it eh?

I miss her soooo much...it hurts. But than again im the reason she's gone now....i don't know what sucks worse being the cause of her absense, or her absense.

Than again this could all be some plot that i've played right into in effort to see to it that i'm incarserated. I don't have self controll when it comes to her, i spent all day...
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