psynapse

tonight i watched the final episode of temptation island. it was the first time i'd seen it, but i got sucked in as soon as i put it on. at first i wanted to vomit, but i couldn't change the channel. it was bordering on the surreal...all these beautiful people gallavanting around in tropical island paradises, while being goaded into ruining their relationships. imagine having...
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i am so lonely. i've gotten to the point where i'm starting to question if maybe, subconciously, i enjoy being alone. now that i've met a girl who is everything i look for, and i know there is no hope of anything developing, it's like giant shakers of salt being poured directly onto my heart...one big open wound. most people would say (i think) that...
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i am a house of cards. my foundation is millimeters wide. the slightest breeze threatens to reduce me to a pile of flat paper. no matter what heights i may acheive, it is never solid. the longer i go, the more perilous my existence. this is what love is doing to me.

as an aside...i would like to die on my birthday. i have a...
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i don't understand strip clubs. it's been a really long time since i got any, and my friends at work have been trying to convince me to go with them to a strip club in dc. i adamantly refuse every time. they say, "don't you want a lap dance? don't you want beautiful girls getting naked right in your face?" when i say "NO!" they...
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someone right now is looking directly at the words that i just typed. skimming right over them, just like they would skim right over me if they were to see me walking down the street. i am just a lowly worm, not meant to be noticed.

in other news, today is the two week anniversary of my quitting smoking pot.

my life inspires yawns.

here is something that is totally genius:

"depending on the day, and depending on what i ate,
i'm anywhere from 20-35 pounds overweight.
i got red eyes and one of em is lazy,
they both squint when the sun shines so i look crazy.
i'm albino man, i know i'm pink and pale,
i'm hairy as hell everywhere but fingernails.
i shave a cranium that...
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holy shit! hurricane's a-comin!!! everyone, rush out to your local small engine shop and buy every fuckin chainsaw in sight!! the last two days have been nuts. we've literally sold 45+ saws. i hate work.

i just got the nick cave dvd. oooooohhhh, it's so good. of course, i'd buy polaroids of nick cave taking a shit and then tell everyone it was the greatest...
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are you ever about to do something and you think, "i really shouldn't do this". then, you do it anyway, and you're thinking, "i really shouldn't be doing this". and immediately afterward, you think, "i really shouldn't have done that".

exactly at what point do i have control over my body and my actions? most people would say they have total control at all times,...
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dear diary,

today i got really drunk at like 1pm. i went to tower and i knocked over a big stack of cds that was on a shelf when i tried to grab a cd that was next to said stack. then, i came home, and was walking through the house in my socks, and i slipped on the wood floor and landed on my...
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it rained all day today. i heard its supposed to continue that way until wednesday. looks like my and alex's trip to the zoo tomorrow is off. i really enjoy hanging out with her. for like, a couple hours i totally forget how miserable i am, how sure i am that she doesn't like me, how ugly i feel, and how hopeless my life is....
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these journals are so god damn stupid. i say the same damn thing every day. i am falling hard for a girl. nothing is gonna come of it. but i can't help it, she's so amazing. so, here's what to do if you're interested in reading my journal: every day, instead of actually reading this, just make up some obsessive, depressing rants about how i...
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random movie scene of the day:

from "a bronx tale" where chaz palmentari keeps asking the biker guys to leave the bar, and they keep ignoring him. he walks over to the door, pulls out a ring of keys, locks the door and says, "now youse *can't* leave". at this point, about 5 or 6 mobsters come busting out of the back room and proceed...
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