psychotropic

everything that breaks leaves a scar....a translucent line where the glue has filled the crack, skin that is torn and has mended....my recent break has not left a visible scar unless you account for the look of sullen on my face. my heart has been broken and while I thought it had been before; it has certainly never been to this degree of pain and sorrow. I love but I am not in love any longer...I thought I would feel relief from the freedom that I have come to attain but unfortunately all I have is fear and uncertainty. so many thoughts and questions float in my feeble mind searching for answers or guidance like lost souls in purgatory wandering and waiting to see where they belong. I feel that way a lot lately...I have had to pass judgment on myself and my best friend and while I am sure that my sentence was just for our particular situation....I am having a difficult time dealing with the damage I have caused to others in my life in the process.
like every choice I make puts those I care about the most in a difficult place....I am aware that life has no book, no certainties, no right or wrong answers, life is not black and white; it is full of vibrant colors, right now I am in a gray area....am I now the one dolling out scars that will one day be to deep for recovery?
only time will tell if my choices are more impeding than helpful, I want nothing more than happiness in my life for myself, my family and those that I love....I know that I am strong and always up for a challenge...I just feel as though my decisions have left me stretched to thin and those that will be hurt the most by my selfishness are those that need me more than anyone....