psychofilly

I am so incredibly sick and tired of hearing that people I know are getting engaged! I'm really happy for my friends, but it get's a little depressing at the same time.

You see, I'm not currently in a relationship. My ex (Jesse) and I broke up about a year ago after 4 years. It was a "perfect" start, and ended up to be poisonous for the both of us.
Before Jesse there was Dave...
Dave and I were together for 3 years. He was a completely different person than I was but it worked out. I was the rebellious one, and he was more straight-laced. We broke up shortly after he bought me a ring for a certain finger. At 19, it scared the hell out of me! Every now and then I think of him and miss him terribly. Dave and I still talk (he lives in Kingston now). I've wanted to tell him how much I miss him, but I won't. We're not the same people anymore. We've grown up and past decisions are what they are. Regret is part of life.

I am not in any way ready to get married nor do I have one of those "10 year plans", nor do I feel like I need/want to have children any time soon. But there's some kind of clock that seems to tic a little further with each wedding invitation I receive. It actualy angers me when I feel that way. I'm a fairly secure person, I think I have my life in check right now, I don't cry at night because I'm not "with" someone... yet I fell... lonely? I don't even know how I feel. there's something missing. Maybe I'm not as secure as I think I am?

This is totaly turning out to be a self-doubt post. I hate that. I'm sorry.
Do you ever look back and think there's a version of yourself you'd prefer?
Is there a place in your life you wish you could go back to?