pseudome

I have an idea, but I don't know how far it can go.

I'm flying back to Chicago tonight, and I don't know what to expect.

You see... soon the two people who I most expected to spend time with while in Chicago are returning to Los Angeles for good.

I'm getting old, I'm having a spasm in the back of my neck for no reason... just a sec...

I don't know if LA is worth it. Why are all my friends in a place that I don't want to be... it makes it so difficult. I hate myself for pushing myself away from all of them. I feel I can accomplish things with them now, yet... I decide to go to Chicago.

Then I remind myself it's only a few months. This is not a life change... and I feel better already.

Who here can say the word "love" freely. I have the worst time with it. I cannot say it to my parents or my brother or my friends or myself or my cat. It's not that I don't feel strong emotion, it's just that I've been fooled to think love is some earth-shattering emotion that overwhelms a person and renders them dumbfounded and giddy, and because I have not been struck by lightning upon the sight of any person, I figure... well, that must not be love yet.

But lately, when I feel at my lowest, I think that I might have been wrong. The feeling when you're away from somebody is just as earth shaking as I think love is supposed to be, and it pushes you down... and it's really hard to stand back up.