prudence

i can't believe i've posted around 115 times already. yikes! i probably spend way too much time here. i've posted a lot on the music boards, but now i'm starting to worry that some of my posts make me sound like a show-off or a music snob. yes, i'm a dj, and yes, i do know a lot about music, but i really try not to sound stuck-up b/c of it. i'm not one of those people that names obscure songs and/or artists just to show off that i know about them, and i'm not one of those people who has some sort of lame criteria in order for a song/band to be 'cool' (like one guy i know- who 'doesn't pay attention to anything on major lables'- ugh). plus in the bay area, where everyone and their mama is connected to the music industry in some way, it's really not unusual to have greater-than-average knowledge about music. shit- one of the reasons i know so much is only b/c most people i know know a lot more than i do!

okay- no one has complained about me or anything...i just wanted to set the record straight. that, and i'm paranoid...

so, i've been having this problem with my man (his name's rick) this week. he's mad b/c i met this guy on the internet, who lives near me, and i want to go meet him for coffee or beer sometime. now, this isn't just ANY guy that i met on the internet- the reason i met him is because of a medical condition that i've developed this year. i don't feel comfortable posting what it is just yet, but i will say that it's kind of rare, and, although it's not life threatening, it is life- altering. oh- it's also not contagious, or physically debilitating. i'd like to wait 'til i've been here a couple of months before i start revealing such personal information, but if you want to try to guess, go ahead and email me and if you guess right, i'll tell you.

so, anyway- like i said, it's kind of rare, so i don't know anyone else that's going through this. then i found a message board for people that have it, and there i found jim, who lives about a 1/2 hour away from me. i told rick that i found someone who lives in the bay area that has this, and he was like, 'oh, good...' i really want to know at least ONE other person who has this condition, so i started making plans to meet jim. i REALLY didn't expect rick to have a problem with this. i have a lot of male friends, and i've always hung out with them before (without rick) with no complaints from him. plus he knows how important it is for me to find a comrade with the same condition. so, i mentioned that i was planning to meet jim sometime, and he got all pissed off! 'i don't know why you gotta go see a guy you met on the internet.' where the hell did THAT come from? what is he afraid of? that i'm gonna like him? that's not gonna happen- the guy is way too into burning man for me to be remotely interested in him. that he's gonna like me? well, that could happen, but lots of guys (including friends of his) have liked me before, and he never cared. he understood that i have no control over other peoples' feelings about me, and-well, since i'm cute- i think he's used to other guys wanting me. in some cases, he's even WELCOMED it (one time, there was this guy who worked at the 1 hour photo place next to where i worked [who happened to be gorgeous] that had a crush on me, and his reaction to it was 'cool- get us some free film!'). i really don't understand why he'd have a problem with this. maybe he was really mad about something else. i don't know.

so, i've been really depressed about the whole thing. this is something that's really important to me, and i don't know how i can make him understand that.

thanks for letting me vent!