prudence

i hate myself

i hate that i'm so critical of myself. i hate that i'm such a perfectionist. i hate that if i'm not the best, i feel like i'm obviously the worst. i hate that, whenever someone actually bothers to be nice to me, i assume that i'll eventually be rejected by them, b/c i'm such a horrible, evil, ugly person inside.

in otherwords, i hate myself for hating myself.

i have a new mix on our site now, and...it's not perfect. there are mistakes on it, just like the last one, including one REALLY noticeable on the levels where i accidentally turn the knob the wrong direction. some of the mixing is kinda sloppy, the beat matching is horrible, the segues aren't tight enough, the levels are off. i hate it, am embarrassed by it, and hope nobody listens to it.

but...i'm putting myself out there, and inviting you to listen to it, anyway. it's supposed to be about the music, right? i've decided to be like stuart smalley, and put the mix up on the site anyway, since i tend to be a perfectionist, and that's...ok. i need to stop 'shoulding' all over myself and falling into a shame spiral. i need to stop quoting stuart smalley.

go here, then scroll down and click to take a listen. this mix is a bit dancier...and..uh...more 'ethnic.' in this mix, you'll discover my passion for 60's latin music

i shouldn't beat myself up. the music is good, and the technical mistakes weren't THAT bad. they're never as bad to anyone else as they are to myself.

besides, i've always wanted to mix some hip-hop with captain sensible

so many suicide girls are leaving. i'm worried as to who else will follow, including members. at least morgan will still be here.



i've made it to number 5 on the 'most comments' list. somebody please kill me now.