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prudence

Member Since 2002

Followers 16 Following 16

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Sunday Nov 03, 2002

Nov 3, 2002
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i don't want to be too much of a downer, but i'm depressed, still. if you're looking for a bubbly, happy journal entry, please read elsewhere.

i mentioned before that i was depressed about reality. reality that has hit me like a ton of bricks. the reality of things like:

love
marriage
friends
family
health
sex
money
work
life
growing old
death

the scary, painful reality of admitting that certain things in my life, or my family's life, might not be as great as i tell myself they are. i'm depressed, and i want to cry, but i'm afraid to. allowing myself to cry would mean that i was accepting that i'm unhappy. then, after i accept it, what do i do next? where do i go from there? with many of the things i'm unhappy about, there is no real escape, except to die, and i'm not going to do that. i believe that i gave up the 'right' to commit suicide once i had a child. have you ever known anyone who had a parent who commited suicide? that is the absolute worst you can do to a child. they never heal from it.

so, instead
i eat
and sleep
and hide
and avoid
and watch tv
and stare at my computer
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
mike11:
I hope that everything works out well for you. Wish that I wasnt so far away sounds like you need a shoulder right about now.
Nov 4, 2002
morgan:
I think without love we do die, at least inside.

There are many many studies that show that babies who are born premature or ill are more likely to die without the love and touch of nurses or parents.
Nov 4, 2002

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