prudence

i really feel like crying today. i feel sick to my stomach. i hate argueing with anyone, and i hate watching other people argue. i hate seeing perfectly good people turn ugly against each other, especially if one of those people are me. i hate making other people feel bad, whether it's directly or indirectly.

i feel like everything is my fault. i hate myself.

now, what the fuck?

please don't read that, or post a reply to that, or post here unless you are my FRIEND and you care about me. also, i'm as ashamed about some of what i replied as i am pissed off about the post which i replied to.

i'm allowed to feel sorry for myself and say, 'oh, me...' in my journal, right? it's MY journal.

edit (again): actually, you can read the thread, but please don't post a reply there. if you agree with me, go ahead and support me here, if you're my friend and DON'T agree with me, please tell me that, too! i did say some fucked up things, myself, in that thread. i'd like to ask O to get rid of that thread, and any similar threads altogether. i don't have time to email her about it, now, assuming that she would even do it. maybe someone else can suggest it to her. it's already gotten WAY too out of control, and i'm just as likely to keep adding fuel to the fire as anyone else is. i try to be decent and mature, but i'm also human, and i know myself. i know when i'm in danger of acting in a way that i shouldn't. it's easy to just say, 'don't read it, then...' but i'd really rather if it was just gone altogether, for EVERYONE'S sake.