prudence

well, solisis put a couple of pictures up of a little girl in his profile, and no one attacked him for it, so...

i don't know who those 2 are though. they came with the frame.

i wish i could write. i wish i could draw/paint/sculpt/ etc. i wish i had any kind of creative talent. i'm feeling like i'm not enough again. whenever i'm feeling blue about anything, it always ends up with me feeling fat and ugly, and that somehow that's the core reason for all my pain. i'd be more creative if i wasn't so ugly. i'd be brilliant if i wasn't so ugly. people would like me more if i wasn't so ugly. i'd be beautiful if i wasn't so ugly. i'd be a better wife and mother if i wasn't so ugly. i guess the last one is kind of true, in a way. i'm not being a very good mother if i'm constantly belittling myself and my looks. i never talk or act like that in front of my little girl, though. never ever. i never want her to hate herself, like i sometimes do.

someone once knew what i meant by all that, but he's out of my life. most people don't understand it. i KNOW it's stupid, and it doesn't make sense, and you're not ugly, anne, and i'm tired of telling you that all the time, and you have to like yourself. blah. i already know that.

there's someone whom i like and respect a great deal, but i'm starting to think that he doesn't respect me AT ALL. and, if i asked him about it or told him how i was feeling, he'd respect me even less. ACK!! i'm going to go mad. maybe if i weren't so ugly, he'd respect me more and i'd never have to worry about it again.

i wish more that i had inner beauty. i don't think that i do. i don't think there's anything there. i feel evil and rotten inside. and ugly.

i'll be ok, though. really. it bums me out more when i write stuff like this, and everyone else feels all sad and worried about me. overall, my life is good. love is all around. we all get the blues sometimes, though, don't we? those times that i do, i feel better if i rant about it, and you listen to me, dears.