The holidays are always rough on me. The last few years I've spent them by myself for the most part, and this year promises to be no different.
While I don't want to come across as though I'm whining, I've been dealing with some pretty severe depression as of late, and issues of self worth and rejection. I mean, how many times can you get shot down for even going out for coffee before you finally say to yourself, "What's so wrong with me?". I mean, maybe the ladies can smell that sorta sick desperation from a mile away, and I'm sure they can. But anytime I meet someone, I seriously, with all my spirit, try to be confident, charming, entertaining, fun, etc, and I mean, I think I do pretty well. I'm comfortable, and I can stand on my own two feet. But the moment comes, like a week into getting someone's number or something similar, when I'm like, hey, wanna grab coffee? and they're like whoooooooa there boy, i'm not looking to date anyone. I mean, it's kinda hilarious in a sick sorta way.
*/rant*
Oh, and if I try to seem independent, and not let everyone know my life's story (ya know, since girls tell me that the mystery is always something fun), I come off 'creepy'. I swear to god, I'm going to go the fuck off on the next girl who calls me creepy. Apparently, I have this inane ability to walk into a room, walk over, stand next to a group of people, leave for a minute to get a drink, come back, stand there a few more minutes, finish my drink, throw it away, and all the time, NOT BE NOTICED. Everyone jumps all of a sudden when they realize I'm there. And they don't even realize I've been there for twenty fucking minutes! WTF. AM I SOME SORTA STEALTHY NINJA?! I could be wearing all black in a well lit, all white room, and these fucks don't notice me.
*/end rant*
Again, please, bear with me, I'm not at all trying to come across as whining or desperate, I'm just baffled at how the fuck human interaction is supposed to work in this goddamned city. So, I have standards and refuse to date anyone I don't want to have sex with. So, I don't want to have sex with anyone I wouldn't like to have a relationship with. I look for beauty, intelligence, creativity, ambition, drive, willingness to adapt, honesty, devotion, loyalty, sense of humor...
Man... whatever. A year and a half from now, and I'll be out of San Francisco and on to the next stage of my life.
Everyone, I hope your holidays are better than mine have been, and are promising to be.
-Wm.
While I don't want to come across as though I'm whining, I've been dealing with some pretty severe depression as of late, and issues of self worth and rejection. I mean, how many times can you get shot down for even going out for coffee before you finally say to yourself, "What's so wrong with me?". I mean, maybe the ladies can smell that sorta sick desperation from a mile away, and I'm sure they can. But anytime I meet someone, I seriously, with all my spirit, try to be confident, charming, entertaining, fun, etc, and I mean, I think I do pretty well. I'm comfortable, and I can stand on my own two feet. But the moment comes, like a week into getting someone's number or something similar, when I'm like, hey, wanna grab coffee? and they're like whoooooooa there boy, i'm not looking to date anyone. I mean, it's kinda hilarious in a sick sorta way.
*/rant*
Oh, and if I try to seem independent, and not let everyone know my life's story (ya know, since girls tell me that the mystery is always something fun), I come off 'creepy'. I swear to god, I'm going to go the fuck off on the next girl who calls me creepy. Apparently, I have this inane ability to walk into a room, walk over, stand next to a group of people, leave for a minute to get a drink, come back, stand there a few more minutes, finish my drink, throw it away, and all the time, NOT BE NOTICED. Everyone jumps all of a sudden when they realize I'm there. And they don't even realize I've been there for twenty fucking minutes! WTF. AM I SOME SORTA STEALTHY NINJA?! I could be wearing all black in a well lit, all white room, and these fucks don't notice me.
*/end rant*
Again, please, bear with me, I'm not at all trying to come across as whining or desperate, I'm just baffled at how the fuck human interaction is supposed to work in this goddamned city. So, I have standards and refuse to date anyone I don't want to have sex with. So, I don't want to have sex with anyone I wouldn't like to have a relationship with. I look for beauty, intelligence, creativity, ambition, drive, willingness to adapt, honesty, devotion, loyalty, sense of humor...
Man... whatever. A year and a half from now, and I'll be out of San Francisco and on to the next stage of my life.
Everyone, I hope your holidays are better than mine have been, and are promising to be.
-Wm.