prockgirlscout

Before I fell in love, had a baby and got married, my greatest aspiration was not to have a career or money or a family, a big house or nice car. I wanted freedom. I thought the less keys I could end up with, the better. Sissy Hankshaw was my mentor and my biggest fear was any attachment that might get in the way of that freedom.

That compulsion to avoid responsibility and bolt when I feel it pressing down on me is still burning. The fire of it is stoked every single time I feel put upon by the ordinary things that make up human relationships. I'm mostly over that, realizing that the warm side of the bed is warm for a reason and that these things...they aren't the price to pay, they are the joy of the thing.

I'm trying to stay in that place. Trying to realize that going forward in my career, developing friendships (both IRL and online), and kicking ass as a mom are what life is made of. There's still a part of me that craves that calm that comes with getting away, meeting new people who have no expectations of me, waking up when it suits me, going where I'd like and taking care of only myself, and fucking without emotional entanglements.

Since I'm trying to do the right thing here, it's going to be a while before I get away. So go easy on me, okay? Try not to put any demands on me (most of you don't). I need this place to be my vacation.