Hey everyone!
Sorry I havent been around much. My attention span has been for shit and I've just had too much going on s I've been down. One thing after another.
The total so far:
Lost phone
3 days later:
car broke down
3 days after that:
attacked by bees! (holy fuck that hurt!)
Im pretty sure I lost my florist job because she hasnt called me but I have no idea why. it happened as soon as my car broke down.
Im also flat broke so I have no idea how Im going to get my car fixed. it needs a water pump, belt and a bunch of other little shit to pass inspection because it wont pass as it is right now.
plus I need an inspection too I guess.. shit.
My dad keeps dropping off the radar so I have to keep going there to check on him. He's an alcoholic pretty bad. Each time I have to go there its 3 or 4 hours of listening to the same old stories of how e hates my gmom and all these really warped views he has on things.. top it off.. this past time he laid it on me that he will probably be dead soon. implying either his health failing or suicide. The time before that it was talk of taking off on the road. He is tired and giving up. I cant say I dont understand his point of view. But its a hell of a thing to drop in your daughters lap, stinking drunk and filthy in a house thats filthy (not messy,,,FILTHY)
I was supposed to go to the beach w friends that evening... I felt horrible going anywhere to have fun or "relax" with that shit going on. But I went.. and got in arguments BOTH evenings of the trip. Cuz someone wanted a piece of ass and, sorry, wasnt in the mood. depression, dad talking of suicide.. .sorry your dick isnt on the top of my priority lists of things to do. I just wanted a break and instead i got more pressure and stress.
THEN... my uncle visits from tennessee. with is dog. she and my dog do not get along so we had to keep them separated. my dog escaped at one point... his dog went after my dog..I, being the mommy, stepped between to shield my dog and intercepted the other dogs teeth with my thigh.
oooooh the screaming and sobbing!
Went to the ER w my dad.. (i drove cuz, again, hes drunk.) I got a tetanus shot. it stopped hurting. My uncle didnt even apologize to me. He didnt ask ONCE how I was doing the rest of the stay. I stayed up in my room w my animals the whole time...only to come down to make dinner for them, clean up and go potty. Not that I mind the solitude... I isolate anyway.. but it was a drag nevertheless. tension all over the house. He was grumpy, and awkward and moody. God forbid you ask him for something. He acts like youre really putting him out.
I was glad the day he was leaving...however, when I was in the bathroom gmo yells hes leaving..I said just a minute Im pooping.
I come out.. Hes already backing out of the driveway.... no goodbye. my dad said he said "I gotta get out of here" and just left. I dont care how badly he wanted to go... he could have said goodbye. he obviously doesnt give a shit about me.
So,,, there that is.
The only good things going on is my therapy and medications. I think theyre starting to work a bit. and I really like my therapist. and my caseworker. shes really helpful.
I also cleaned my room and unpacked/put away clothes.. which is like... A BIG DEAL. maybe its the meds working but I was inexplicably motivated. Now if only they motivate me to paint. I got a deadline coming and im nowhere near prepared.
So if I seem distant or weird in chat.. .all this is why. Please dont ask how I am. it makes me have to think about it. just be goofy with me. <3
Love you guys xoxo
Sorry I havent been around much. My attention span has been for shit and I've just had too much going on s I've been down. One thing after another.
The total so far:
Lost phone
3 days later:
car broke down
3 days after that:
attacked by bees! (holy fuck that hurt!)
Im pretty sure I lost my florist job because she hasnt called me but I have no idea why. it happened as soon as my car broke down.
Im also flat broke so I have no idea how Im going to get my car fixed. it needs a water pump, belt and a bunch of other little shit to pass inspection because it wont pass as it is right now.
plus I need an inspection too I guess.. shit.
My dad keeps dropping off the radar so I have to keep going there to check on him. He's an alcoholic pretty bad. Each time I have to go there its 3 or 4 hours of listening to the same old stories of how e hates my gmom and all these really warped views he has on things.. top it off.. this past time he laid it on me that he will probably be dead soon. implying either his health failing or suicide. The time before that it was talk of taking off on the road. He is tired and giving up. I cant say I dont understand his point of view. But its a hell of a thing to drop in your daughters lap, stinking drunk and filthy in a house thats filthy (not messy,,,FILTHY)
I was supposed to go to the beach w friends that evening... I felt horrible going anywhere to have fun or "relax" with that shit going on. But I went.. and got in arguments BOTH evenings of the trip. Cuz someone wanted a piece of ass and, sorry, wasnt in the mood. depression, dad talking of suicide.. .sorry your dick isnt on the top of my priority lists of things to do. I just wanted a break and instead i got more pressure and stress.
THEN... my uncle visits from tennessee. with is dog. she and my dog do not get along so we had to keep them separated. my dog escaped at one point... his dog went after my dog..I, being the mommy, stepped between to shield my dog and intercepted the other dogs teeth with my thigh.
oooooh the screaming and sobbing!
Went to the ER w my dad.. (i drove cuz, again, hes drunk.) I got a tetanus shot. it stopped hurting. My uncle didnt even apologize to me. He didnt ask ONCE how I was doing the rest of the stay. I stayed up in my room w my animals the whole time...only to come down to make dinner for them, clean up and go potty. Not that I mind the solitude... I isolate anyway.. but it was a drag nevertheless. tension all over the house. He was grumpy, and awkward and moody. God forbid you ask him for something. He acts like youre really putting him out.
I was glad the day he was leaving...however, when I was in the bathroom gmo yells hes leaving..I said just a minute Im pooping.
I come out.. Hes already backing out of the driveway.... no goodbye. my dad said he said "I gotta get out of here" and just left. I dont care how badly he wanted to go... he could have said goodbye. he obviously doesnt give a shit about me.
So,,, there that is.
The only good things going on is my therapy and medications. I think theyre starting to work a bit. and I really like my therapist. and my caseworker. shes really helpful.
I also cleaned my room and unpacked/put away clothes.. which is like... A BIG DEAL. maybe its the meds working but I was inexplicably motivated. Now if only they motivate me to paint. I got a deadline coming and im nowhere near prepared.
So if I seem distant or weird in chat.. .all this is why. Please dont ask how I am. it makes me have to think about it. just be goofy with me. <3
Love you guys xoxo
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
sirfallsalot:
Well for what its worth you made this guy smile today. If I wasn't in a wheelchair I would have done a happy dance. Instead I just fell down. They don't call SirFallsAlot for nothing.
princesstinyfeet:
Thanks everyone! <3