loneliness.
there are lessons to be learned in times of adversity or uncomfort, but for some reason, everytime i am backed into the corner of loneliness, i do not learn, but rather make many mistakes. saying things i wouldnt normally say to people or making bad relationship decisions that if i were in my right mind, i would not make, all because for some reason i feel empty and devoid of human contact, sexually, emotionally, mentally...and those things are tied together, sexuallity is part of who i am because whether a the idea of soul and spirit really exist, we are in a body and this body is prone to its desires and chemical reactions and what not. i know that about myself and i no longer want to repress it but embrace it, however, i dont want to offend people or become an asshole because of it. i have a heart too. i have a brain. they are equally parts of me, although sometimes they are overridden by my earthly nature, but thats me.
i guess im feeling lonely and wishing there was someone around. someone that would give me a little leeway because i need it and can be quite socially retarded sometimes. they dont have to be me. my mirror image. they dont have to agree with my ideas or even understand them, but it would be cool if there were someone in my areas of interest. thats the emotional side of myself. i dont expect anyone to get the mental side of me, ive given up on that...but there is also the corpreal or physical, and that side of me has some input unfortunately too. Im done with really big girls, im sorry i just cant do it. i feel bad because i may be attracted to their mind and their heart, but if that physical aspect is not satisfied, i find my eyes wondering, and i find myself more alarmed by their flaws then i would be normally. i know everyone has flaws because i do and i used to think that i didnt, or least i couldnt except that i do, but too many times have they stared me right in the face and i had to be like okay..i give up...so i accept that, i understand that. but thats just the way it is. i would love someone foreign or exotic or just different, but i know we dont always get what we want, so its notthe biggest of deals to me. i dont ask for much. so hopefully i learn from this time of lonely singleness or be saved from it.
whatever either way.
there are lessons to be learned in times of adversity or uncomfort, but for some reason, everytime i am backed into the corner of loneliness, i do not learn, but rather make many mistakes. saying things i wouldnt normally say to people or making bad relationship decisions that if i were in my right mind, i would not make, all because for some reason i feel empty and devoid of human contact, sexually, emotionally, mentally...and those things are tied together, sexuallity is part of who i am because whether a the idea of soul and spirit really exist, we are in a body and this body is prone to its desires and chemical reactions and what not. i know that about myself and i no longer want to repress it but embrace it, however, i dont want to offend people or become an asshole because of it. i have a heart too. i have a brain. they are equally parts of me, although sometimes they are overridden by my earthly nature, but thats me.
i guess im feeling lonely and wishing there was someone around. someone that would give me a little leeway because i need it and can be quite socially retarded sometimes. they dont have to be me. my mirror image. they dont have to agree with my ideas or even understand them, but it would be cool if there were someone in my areas of interest. thats the emotional side of myself. i dont expect anyone to get the mental side of me, ive given up on that...but there is also the corpreal or physical, and that side of me has some input unfortunately too. Im done with really big girls, im sorry i just cant do it. i feel bad because i may be attracted to their mind and their heart, but if that physical aspect is not satisfied, i find my eyes wondering, and i find myself more alarmed by their flaws then i would be normally. i know everyone has flaws because i do and i used to think that i didnt, or least i couldnt except that i do, but too many times have they stared me right in the face and i had to be like okay..i give up...so i accept that, i understand that. but thats just the way it is. i would love someone foreign or exotic or just different, but i know we dont always get what we want, so its notthe biggest of deals to me. i dont ask for much. so hopefully i learn from this time of lonely singleness or be saved from it.
whatever either way.
xxsullen_girlxx:
hey there how ya doin?? BIG HUGS 