i feel a little lost right now ... ya know?
Its like nothing that I do can get me out of this hole ive dug myself into. And there are moments when I can make myself forget about everything and its all ok, but then I have to go to bed... and unless i've worked myself to death that day I'll toss and turn for hours before I can get to sleep.
I consider myself a pretty self reliant person so its not like I really talk to anyone about how I feel. But thats also in part b/c I don't want anyone to get pissed at me for feeling this way or feel sorry for me or anything. I know what J will say... he'll say that I'm crazy like his fucking mother and to get over it. LOL well I tell myself that everyday, so I dont really need to hear that from two people do I?
And my friends will say oh it will be ok youre fine blah blah blah blah..
Well, I guess I just have to live dont I? I have to live in my little world where everything that I have is fucked over about 10 degrees from where it really needs to be.... haha.
And before anyone thinks it I KNOW that I should feel blessed b/c my entire life hasn't been wiped out by a fucking hurricane and I know that so save the "you are ungrateful" BULLSHIT b/c thats one thing that I am not.... <sigh>
I can't wait till winter....snow is the best distraction.
Its like nothing that I do can get me out of this hole ive dug myself into. And there are moments when I can make myself forget about everything and its all ok, but then I have to go to bed... and unless i've worked myself to death that day I'll toss and turn for hours before I can get to sleep.
I consider myself a pretty self reliant person so its not like I really talk to anyone about how I feel. But thats also in part b/c I don't want anyone to get pissed at me for feeling this way or feel sorry for me or anything. I know what J will say... he'll say that I'm crazy like his fucking mother and to get over it. LOL well I tell myself that everyday, so I dont really need to hear that from two people do I?
And my friends will say oh it will be ok youre fine blah blah blah blah..
Well, I guess I just have to live dont I? I have to live in my little world where everything that I have is fucked over about 10 degrees from where it really needs to be.... haha.
And before anyone thinks it I KNOW that I should feel blessed b/c my entire life hasn't been wiped out by a fucking hurricane and I know that so save the "you are ungrateful" BULLSHIT b/c thats one thing that I am not.... <sigh>
I can't wait till winter....snow is the best distraction.
It's crazy sad when you want to be able to just talk it out so you'll feel better but you know the outcome of talking about it will make you feel worse somehow instead of that better that you crave.
sigh