prettyinink4

So I was sitting in the car with my firend having a few drinks as we started talking. Mind you this can lead to all kinds of topics some that make us want to go somewhere else if you get my meaning.. but anyhow we were talking about what we have in life and that we should be happy with what we have. And out of no where he said "I want it all" Suddenly it hit me.. I WANT IT ALL TOO. Meaning that why I do the things I do even If it could hurt those Im close to? I wanting everything the world has to offer and everything that is handed to you bad? Should you take oppertunties even if they may be damanging even to people you care about ? To some of you thins may sound bad. BUt the more I learn about having this disorder the more I learn there are something that I cant control. Part of me wants to be one of the happy shiny miserable people aka normal so i take all these damm pills but I love being that overly happy sexual crazy out control person. For a while there I was what people would see as normal and i hated it. I felt like I didnt know who I was. I felt that life was dull. How does this tie in you ask I feel like if im on as high of dose that I cant have it all. Just when I think that I have myself figured out I learn something more about me. I enjoy this. So far I have learned that Im outgoing, slightly a lil high mainatnce , fun, funny. crazy lovable, mean, sad, happy,Goofy , confused, even a lil dizzty, as well as many other things and I just keep learnng who I am and what I want.