prettygirl66

Lately I've been feeling really down and today has been exceptionally bad for me. I woke up feeling like this. I don't know why. I got home a little while ago from hanging out with my f.w.b. and my best friend. Tonight was the first time we actually have really hung out since that whole mess happened. I don't know. It's weird. I didn't hate seeing him, but I just didn't feel right. But I didn't want to leave either. I'm so confused. I think that maybe a part of me wanted more than what I had with him and a smaller part of me still does. But I don't know if I would ever have trusted him. And I don't know if I should say anything about it at all after what has happened because I don't know if I would trust him now either. I don't want to care about him like this. I honestly don't want to care about anybody like this. I just realized how fucking lonely I really am. I don't date. I don't meet people. And it's like the one relationship (if you can even call it a relationship) that I have is fucked up. I wish that I could just stop loving him.

*Edited to add: I can't believe I just said I wish that I could just stop loving him. I didn't even know I loved him in that way. What the fuck is wrong with me?