preacher255

Among the things on my mind lately, fear is one of the most salient. Well, not so much fear in general as "fears", specifically some of my close personal ones. Paramount among these is my fear of erging. Ever since I graduated and my crew career ended not with a bang but a whimper, I swore I'd never get on one of those infernal contraptions again. It was actually my fear of and lack of success with erging that made me go see a therapist my senior year, and it is because of this therapist's college recommendation that I am here currently. It seems somewhat fitting that now in my thesis year, a year fraught with terrors, I turn back to my old nemesis for another round. Though I'm taking baby steps while getting reacquainted with the erg, even getting on one again was a monumental achievement for me. So many memories of near paralyzing exhaustion, passing out, and puking all for the end result of almost nothing success wise came back and made me want to stop, but I didn't and I'm glad. For me the erg is the very symbol of fear and while I'm dealing with a plethora of frightening stuff it feels good confronting at least one head on, if not confronting them all indirectly by consequence.

As a result a number of good things have been happening. One, I finally have a way to work cardio again since I haven't been able to run (ahem, Steve-O). Two, I feel better about myself on a number of levels, not the least of which is vanity, as silly as that is to both admit and realize (hey, I might not have good form, but I still look good rowing). Three, and most exciting to me, is a proposition that Blaine made about getting a 4 together to go to the Head of the Hooch. Oh man, an NCF team at an actual college level regatta, seems too good to be true! Tentatively our unisuits are going to be matching wife beaters tucked into our cut-off jean shorts, which by the way is awesome. Ok sure, my erging had nothing to with Blaine coming up with this idea or approaching me, but it might have in a cosmic sense?

The moral of the rant is that facing your fears is a good thing. I realize this sounds like a platitude, and I suppose it is. Regardless, a week ago I was no where near interested in erging ever again, now I'm thinking about racing pieces and getting really excited about going to a regatta. To me that says something.