preacher255

I can claim righteous victory in the silent war of attrition that has raged between one of my roommates and I.

I've never related my living situation here b/c there is normally nothing of interest to relate. I live with three girls: two with b/fs, one who is probably a lesbian, and all three of whom I rarely see. The one whose room is next to mine, I'm positive her existence is ephemeral. The only proof I have of her having a physical state is the bathroom we share. One reason being that whenever I go to use the bathroom in the morning before class she is in there. It's like my need to shower makes her corporeal and during her fleeting moments on this side of the mortal coil she NEEDS to take care of some business. Which brings us to the second piece of evidence that she is not a mere figment of my ever controlling imagination, we are constantly out of toilet paper. This is also the catalyst and battlefield of our faceless war.

I began to notice sometime ago that the size of the roll would substantially diminish in a day or two's time. At first I thought it was my imagination, or that maybe it was a joint effort. Then I had replaced the roll right before leaving for the weekend and when I got back the whole thing was gone. The lonely, naked cardboard tube despondently hanging there as if saying, "I have no fucking clue how this happened either." So I went to the RA, as I always do (detecting a pattern all the while), and ask for some toilet paper. Now the RA's room is the next apartment over so the trip isn't the issue, it's the essentially announcing to a room of people that "I have to shit." Why else would I need toilet paper? Now I am well versed in the pivotal work "Everybody Poops" but this does very little to assuage my embarrassment on the 20th time in what seems like days I make this trip. So I assume my role and replace... the roll. Sure enough, 2 days, gone. What? Is she creating makeshift sanitary gloves out of toilet paper before she wipes? Is she making a mummy costume? Is she fucking eating it?! Further more, if she is the obvious over user of toilet paper then why do I keep fetching more? I decided enough was enough.

I devised a scheme, the beauty of it being in its simplicity. I simply wouldn't get more paper for the bathroom, I would get it for myself and bring it whenever it was necessary. Sure enough the last reserves ran dry and I dug in for the long haul. Weird thing was, it WAS a long haul, it was 6 days by my count. The time in between took a strange, bathroom espionage turn, devising new ways to hide my coveted roll from sight lest my roommate should materialize as I walked the 3 feet to the bathroom. It got to the point where I had begun to wonder if I should also hide my towel as well. Then finally, victory. Whether she had relented and gotten the toilet paper by herself I still can't say, it's not like we talk ever. But as a measure of burying the hatchet I went and got two more rolls so that she wouldn't have to go get more anytime soon, or wouldn't be hungry at least.

So that's my story. I find the fact that not having a relationship with my roommates has led to this weird fear of them very interesting. We've lived within feet of each other all year, yet if I know one is out in the living area, I'll consider waiting till their done so as to avoid the awkward silence that would permeate through the room should we meet. As if we're both silently saying,"Oh, you're still alive? Hmm?" It's a big reason why I go to other rooms to chill out. The aura of secrecy and silence the denizens here have constructed is so thick that no party could survive. All would be lost.

Yeah, other things are going or have gone down. But I'll leave them for another time.

Daikatana. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!