This is the first time I've had an evening hangover in a long while... it's a weird phenomenon, that generally occurs when you've been drinking most, if not all, of the night.
Here's the 7-step hangover cure, as practiced, perfected and prescribed by myself, Dr. Chris Harding.
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1) Tea. You will need tea. Coffee will not suffice. Take it black, or maybe with some milk, but never with sugar. When you feel wretched, human instincts long for the comfort of the womb. The womb is warm, it is moist, and it's the beginning of the end when it runs dry. Much like a cup of tea.
2) Loud music. It sounds like the worst idea in the world, and so most people end up putting on some chill-out mindless music that you don't have to think about... that leaves them thinking about their hangover, and feeling bad. You want loud music to tell your hangover you're not gonna take it lying down. Metal works well, as does general drone-rock or even lo-fi blues. The key to getting this right is to keep it in the lower register - as soon as you try anything with screeching violins or blasting trumpets, you're doomed. Keep it greasy.
3) Water. This is for the headache and the dry mouth. Most people get a headache and reach for the aspirin or the paracetamol, when there's really no need. A headache is caused by dehydration, so the real solution to a headache is hydration... and what's the most hydrating substance you can think of? Our good friend h2o. Lucozade may seem like it's hitting the spot, but it does not replenish bodily fluids, so it's useless. Useless.
4) Greasy food. For some reason, this is one of few exceptions to the rule that implies that fighting fire with fire is generally a poor idea. You feel dreadful because your body is full of things that are bad for it. Inserting a rasher of bacon, or a cheeseburger, or a sausage sandwich into your gut seems to speak to your body like a personal trainer; "You think this is hard? You ain't seen nothin' yet! You are worthless! You can't handle the pain!!"
5) Cold. You thought you were going to spend all day wrapped in your quilt feeling awful? Think again! Research based mainly on personal anecdotal evidence has shown that opening a window and letting in fresh air will always help. There is nothing worse than breathing stuffy air, so opening a window and letting some fresh air (damp air is especially good) in does wonders. As an added bonus, it disperses of the smell of your rotting, booze-addled carcass that's stinking up your bedroom.
6) Films. The main aide in dispatching your unbearable hangover is distraction - the less you think about the state you are in, the better. Key elements to look for in an ideal distraction film include; gentle music, understated humour, romance, frustration, atmospheric surroundings (forests, cities, imaginary worlds), no more than two key characters. Some excellent choices are the 'Science of Sleep', 'Withnail and I', 'Spirited Away', 'Donnie Darko' and 'Into the Wild'.
7) Clothes. For an alcoholic, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem and having a desire to correct it. For the hangover-suffering fellow, the first step to recovery is admitting that you did a stupid thing last night and you no longer want to be suffering. Get out of bed, all the way out of bed, not just half way out of bed, all the way out of bed, and put some clothes on. Not pyjamas or "house clothes", dress as if you're going somewhere. You'll automatically develop a greater sense of purpose, and you will begin to resist the notion that this day is, simply put, "a write-off."
Follow these steps and you will be over your hangover in 2 - 3 hours, freeing up the rest of the day for hobbies.
Here's the 7-step hangover cure, as practiced, perfected and prescribed by myself, Dr. Chris Harding.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1) Tea. You will need tea. Coffee will not suffice. Take it black, or maybe with some milk, but never with sugar. When you feel wretched, human instincts long for the comfort of the womb. The womb is warm, it is moist, and it's the beginning of the end when it runs dry. Much like a cup of tea.
2) Loud music. It sounds like the worst idea in the world, and so most people end up putting on some chill-out mindless music that you don't have to think about... that leaves them thinking about their hangover, and feeling bad. You want loud music to tell your hangover you're not gonna take it lying down. Metal works well, as does general drone-rock or even lo-fi blues. The key to getting this right is to keep it in the lower register - as soon as you try anything with screeching violins or blasting trumpets, you're doomed. Keep it greasy.
3) Water. This is for the headache and the dry mouth. Most people get a headache and reach for the aspirin or the paracetamol, when there's really no need. A headache is caused by dehydration, so the real solution to a headache is hydration... and what's the most hydrating substance you can think of? Our good friend h2o. Lucozade may seem like it's hitting the spot, but it does not replenish bodily fluids, so it's useless. Useless.
4) Greasy food. For some reason, this is one of few exceptions to the rule that implies that fighting fire with fire is generally a poor idea. You feel dreadful because your body is full of things that are bad for it. Inserting a rasher of bacon, or a cheeseburger, or a sausage sandwich into your gut seems to speak to your body like a personal trainer; "You think this is hard? You ain't seen nothin' yet! You are worthless! You can't handle the pain!!"
5) Cold. You thought you were going to spend all day wrapped in your quilt feeling awful? Think again! Research based mainly on personal anecdotal evidence has shown that opening a window and letting in fresh air will always help. There is nothing worse than breathing stuffy air, so opening a window and letting some fresh air (damp air is especially good) in does wonders. As an added bonus, it disperses of the smell of your rotting, booze-addled carcass that's stinking up your bedroom.
6) Films. The main aide in dispatching your unbearable hangover is distraction - the less you think about the state you are in, the better. Key elements to look for in an ideal distraction film include; gentle music, understated humour, romance, frustration, atmospheric surroundings (forests, cities, imaginary worlds), no more than two key characters. Some excellent choices are the 'Science of Sleep', 'Withnail and I', 'Spirited Away', 'Donnie Darko' and 'Into the Wild'.
7) Clothes. For an alcoholic, the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem and having a desire to correct it. For the hangover-suffering fellow, the first step to recovery is admitting that you did a stupid thing last night and you no longer want to be suffering. Get out of bed, all the way out of bed, not just half way out of bed, all the way out of bed, and put some clothes on. Not pyjamas or "house clothes", dress as if you're going somewhere. You'll automatically develop a greater sense of purpose, and you will begin to resist the notion that this day is, simply put, "a write-off."
Follow these steps and you will be over your hangover in 2 - 3 hours, freeing up the rest of the day for hobbies.