ho hum. thats how i feel today. im not sure if its because im pretty tired, or just because im pretty tired. the difference?? there is that physical tired, the lack of sleep over-worked sort of drowsy tired...the one that comes after you have your 1st giddy spell, in between your 2nd giddy spell. yeah that one. or it could be the tired that comes when you sit back and look at just how long youve been tired. tired of working, tired of school..just plain ol mentally worn the hell out.
dont get me wrong..im not sittin here crying or anything...thats not my style...but i have this habit of overworking myself at Everything, because i feel like i need to accomplish...accomplish what? i have no idea. but i have this drive...and sometimes it just drives me crazy. i always feel like time is my enemy, like everything is whirling around me, and i cant seem to keep up. but today, sitting next to my 46 year old client (im a rehab counselor by day), i had this sudden thought...instead of worrying that i havent done enough in my 23 (almost 24) years, i started thinking holy shit...45....thats 20 something away....
20 years....wow. when i think about it..say it....20 years...it floors me. and its not like life ends at 45 either....but then i think back, and it seems like yesterday i was using a fake id to get into bars, and hanging out with the elite "older" punk/goth crowd. now im that crowd...im dating a 19 year old...eek. something that is still taking me a moment to get used too (the moment keeps going and going).
so my schizophrenic client and i talked about life today, and how time seems to manipulate it completely and although i dont think that time is exactly my enemy i kind of find myself thinking of it as something that you can always see in the corner of your eye, or something that is lurking over your shoulder...or perhaps its the reason why you start awake at nite, wondering where you are and why.
im babbling.
dont get me wrong..im not sittin here crying or anything...thats not my style...but i have this habit of overworking myself at Everything, because i feel like i need to accomplish...accomplish what? i have no idea. but i have this drive...and sometimes it just drives me crazy. i always feel like time is my enemy, like everything is whirling around me, and i cant seem to keep up. but today, sitting next to my 46 year old client (im a rehab counselor by day), i had this sudden thought...instead of worrying that i havent done enough in my 23 (almost 24) years, i started thinking holy shit...45....thats 20 something away....
20 years....wow. when i think about it..say it....20 years...it floors me. and its not like life ends at 45 either....but then i think back, and it seems like yesterday i was using a fake id to get into bars, and hanging out with the elite "older" punk/goth crowd. now im that crowd...im dating a 19 year old...eek. something that is still taking me a moment to get used too (the moment keeps going and going).
so my schizophrenic client and i talked about life today, and how time seems to manipulate it completely and although i dont think that time is exactly my enemy i kind of find myself thinking of it as something that you can always see in the corner of your eye, or something that is lurking over your shoulder...or perhaps its the reason why you start awake at nite, wondering where you are and why.
im babbling.