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possession09

Member Since 2002

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Friday Jan 10, 2003

Jan 10, 2003
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sometimes things are just so hard.

my girlfriend and i (of 3 years) broke up today. well, at least i think
that was did. the end of the phone call was us both crying and i really dont know...
she said "i think we should break up" im pretty sure that that constitutes as breaking up.

see the thing is this: typically, relationships break up because one of the couple if not both are not
happy, not in love blahblahblah. normally something goes wrong that you can put your finger on.

such as she smells funny, or he cheated on me or i dont like this or that...

and normally the reaction is one of anger....why you ask (ade the psychologist will tell you)
btw .....ade is my name,
so. anger is the primal reaction to emotions. sadness, love, happiness even. anger is
one the hardest emotions to control, hardest emotions to understand...also hardest to change.

but anger is also very useful. typically if a person is semi-mind healthy (i dont think any one of us can claim that we are completely sane)
anger is a sort of condom...it covers our real feelings until we are ready to deal with them..it helps motivate us to change, rearrange or deal with the shite
we face everyday in everyday life.

but here is the issue. i dont feel anger. there is no place for anger here. she is one of the funniest, kindest, beautiful humans i have ever met.
she is awesome in the way that awesome is defined in the dictionary. she is golden.
she is human, and wonderful. she is not perfect. she has lots of issues, lack of expression (she hides her emotions oh so deeply)....i mean of course she has issues
we all do.

god i love her.

so why are we breaking up? because no matter how much we love
one another and no matter how much we want to make each other happy,
it just does not seem to happen. we are two seperate pages. and no matter what we do, we
cant seem to meet in the middle.

we have our ups, and we have our downs, and when we have our downs, they last
and last somemore, and we cant seem to break out of that funk..adn then we are both
looking at one another miserable.

we probably will be happier just being friends, but it still hurts to know
that we love each other SO much and just cannot make it work.

we have tried, we have tried and tried and tried. and now, we are just
both tired. and scared. and lonely.

and i miss her already.

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