possession09

tonite was an insane nite for me.
i had the nite off, so i decided that i would go out. i have to dj EVERY nite this weekend, so i figured,
get my fun in now.
so an hour into the point where im starting to get intoxicated and
im having fun. girl and girl show up. she stands so close to me and
pretends that nothing is wrong. WHAT is fucking wrong with this picture.
its so sad to say that my opinion of this girl (who i happen to be in love with)
has taken a nose dive towards me feeling plain out dumb and stupid to fall for her.
its all a bunch of bull shite. its all a bunch of mind games.
i fell deep and i cant help but wonder if i will ever fall in love with someone who
shares the same emotion as me.
im drunk, numb and hurt. i feel like assdiddy and noone really cares.
fuck this shite.
what happened to the fairy tales, now??
how can you be with someone that you cant touch?
how can you give yourself to someone who you admit your not in love with?
how can you be so cold? so mean?
it shouldnt matter to me. i should turn my head, and be cruel.
instead, i sit here alone crying, chain smoking wondering what the fuck is
wrong with me.
ahhh. my positivitism is definitely gone for tonite.
someone tell me something happy before my head splits.
but alas, i dont think that anyone reads this, and at this point i really dont give a shite.
im alone
i know this
i hurt
i feel
and once again. the girl with heart on her sleeve goes to bed alone.
one day ill grow up into their mean harsh world, but for now
i think i might go back to MY fairy tale beliefs
tears arent that bad.