I just got back from LA. A trip mostly for work, but partially for play. Play with him. I'll apologize in advance, because this entry is going to be a little bit emo, a little bit personal, a little lacking in sexy time photos and a lot wordy. As you may have seen in my previous journal, San Francisco is a pretty great place, and I'm adjusting well to it. For the most part, great people, lots to do, amazing food. The only thing missing goes back a few months. I have no trouble calling it the biggest mistake of my life.
What do you do when all you want to do is go back, but there's no going back? Immersed in new world without the one person you really want to share it all with. Moving away had the opposite effect of what I had hoped. It's really amazing how easily something, or someone, can be taken for granted, disrespected, ignored. It's only after they're gone that everything is clear.
He was pretty much the most amazing man ever. Not to make him sound dead or anything though. He's perfect in most every way. Good looking, stylish, brilliant, and a fantastic sense of humor. He had the best personality of anyone I've ever met. The ability to light up a room as soon as he entered, if only due to him acting like a hilarious ass. I've never been able to be more myself than in his company. All the little things I saw as flaws, he saw as perfections. He'd come home with random tiny surprises. Tiny surprises that meant more than anything large and expensive could. My fuzzy blanket. We shared so much in common. He loved the food I cooked, and supported it even when it didn't taste so good. He loved me, even if I hadn't showered in two days, had straggly hair, dirty glasses and a box of embarrassing medicine in my hand. His family was amazing, and I miss them as much as I miss being around him all of the time. He made great sacrifices, and stayed strong and by my side through really tough times. I hate to sound uber cliche, but I feel like he was my soul mate, and I let him go, I pushed him away, I tossed him out. All my fault.
Now I just feel mostly empty if not for the heavy feeling of regret and self hate. Just waiting till the next time we happen to see other. Going through the daily motions.. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
What do you do when all you want to do is go back, but there's no going back? Immersed in new world without the one person you really want to share it all with. Moving away had the opposite effect of what I had hoped. It's really amazing how easily something, or someone, can be taken for granted, disrespected, ignored. It's only after they're gone that everything is clear.
He was pretty much the most amazing man ever. Not to make him sound dead or anything though. He's perfect in most every way. Good looking, stylish, brilliant, and a fantastic sense of humor. He had the best personality of anyone I've ever met. The ability to light up a room as soon as he entered, if only due to him acting like a hilarious ass. I've never been able to be more myself than in his company. All the little things I saw as flaws, he saw as perfections. He'd come home with random tiny surprises. Tiny surprises that meant more than anything large and expensive could. My fuzzy blanket. We shared so much in common. He loved the food I cooked, and supported it even when it didn't taste so good. He loved me, even if I hadn't showered in two days, had straggly hair, dirty glasses and a box of embarrassing medicine in my hand. His family was amazing, and I miss them as much as I miss being around him all of the time. He made great sacrifices, and stayed strong and by my side through really tough times. I hate to sound uber cliche, but I feel like he was my soul mate, and I let him go, I pushed him away, I tossed him out. All my fault.
Now I just feel mostly empty if not for the heavy feeling of regret and self hate. Just waiting till the next time we happen to see other. Going through the daily motions.. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
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or maybe you was a child and you must run to his arms and say "prrrr, let me be your kitten again" and just relax yourself.
well sorry for that, you probably know what to do even when you say you don't.