pornstar

well i think i have let my emotions get the best of me. not only am i sleep deprived but i feel as thought i have put a dear friendship of mine in dire straights. i didnt mean for things to turn out like htey have. i have been told i have been lying and i guess from that persons ppoint of view i would agree...it was never ever meant to be hurtful or deceitful. i only did the thignss i did to protect the ones i love...when it turns out if i would have paid attention tehy needed no protection at all...they had said some things that i thought was harmless they thought wree volatile...im not good at these things and all i wasked for was patience and understanding...they gave that to me and as we all know there is only so much patience that a person can extend to another...also found out that i remind them of a bad time in their life and that hurts probably more than anything else...i have only ever wanted for their happiness and now all i can hope for is their continued friendship...i can only say the words im sorry so many times before they lose all meaning and sincerity..im sorry for lying, im sorry for making you angry at me and im sorry that i am a reclusive idiot.
things will get better infact since my last long post from yesterday things are already moving along...i now know what i have done wrong and again for that i am sorry. those words dont carry much meaning im sure but i dont say tehm that often and when i do i mean it. i gave away all my wishes because they stopped working for me. i dont hope because to have hope means to have faith and at this point im questioning both.
i was right about one thing though...this journal can be addictvie therapy.