poolboy6

Four months. It took four months for me to start getting the stupid deployment melancholy. That point where you start seeing things that aren't there back home with friends and with perfect strangers. When something vague that probably has nothing to do with you sounds like something that makes you want to fight someone. Normally it comes on a lot sooner, but that's because usually there's a lot of other stress. This rotation has been swimming, which is why it has taken this long.

I've got less than three months to go, so I know I should be content with that. And I know I will soldier on through and be fine shortly after I get back (HA. GET IT!?!?! SOLDIER ON??! I am awesome). Still, it's annoying. Even if it is most likely a natural occurrence. The only time I never got it was Afghanistan. That was because it was a chill deployment and I had a girlfriend at the time.

I think a good part of it comes from the whole lack of knowing what is real and what isn't. From Over Here looking Back There, you can't see clearly. You can't pick up body language, you can't tell tone of voice, none of the non-verbal cues. All you get is what you can see on this computer screen (or the other one I use at work). Since you can only see that little bit shown to you, naturally you fill in the blanks with what you WANT there to be there. And then, whether it's an accurate picture or not, many times, the images you see afterward don't fit with that picture we painted half from fantasy. Then you get frustrated because of the disparity. In my case, I get mad at myself for filling in the blanks that way. It's not the person out here's fault. I mean, yeah.

This is why I am tired of Iraq. It has nothing to do with politics. When it comes down to doing my job and shit, I fucking love this place. Some of my happiest moments have been in Iraq and Afghanistan. These days, though, work that I can look back on with pride is few and far between. Between shady dealings between governments, the media, and people back home who know not of what they speak, it's getting virtually impossible to do a good job here.

So, work isn't satisfying and everything else has a bit of an ashy taste as well. I know I have great friends, and I know it's not all bad. And that might be why it's taken longer than normal for me to get the melancholy. Still... It's here and most likely won't go away until I get off the bird in December. There is no poor me, I just need to deal. Putting it out on here, though allows me to see it, test out its dimensions and fight it on my terms. So there.

On a side note, I saw The Bank Job and I dug it. I mean, I'm not angry the Academy ignored it, but I was well entertained.

EDIT: I am in a better mood for having seen this video...