Holy cow I am UNFIT, LAZY and a lightwieght!
I'm a little buzzed after 3 beers, not much but enough that I keep hitting the wrong keys and having to backspace to correct my atrocious typing. The last two days at work have been hectic, I worked 13 hours yesterday. Two PTS's and an emergancy that we held onto for a few hours before sending it to an overnight clinic, where the dog died, either there or in transit. HEAT STOKE in animals is REAL! If you truly care about your pets, please understand that thier bodies are EXACTLY like ours and they deserve the SAME CARE as a human!!!!! for gods sake GET THEM OUT OF THE HEAT!!! This poor mastiff would have lived a long happy life if it weren't for negligent naive owners who left her outdoors during record summer heat and humidity.
Sometimes I can barely belive I was ever any younger than I am now (and I am hardly old). Its so strange how life changes and distorts you, how it corrects and forms you. I miss huge portions of my past, I miss being a "couple" incredibly. The pain is real and there. I even called a hopeline a few weeks ago, for some desperate reason. I miss the love and generosity of what I used to have, what I had been given. But at the same time, it was a selfish and unhealthy relationship. You must know and love youself before you can ever fully and happily know and love another. I am doing. And I am doing well. I am forming a carreer and vision of myself that I'm not really sure I ever really believed in, but am making come true. I always saw myself as dependant, I never truly believed I could be out there on my own, as much as I was desperate for it. And while I am not "out on my own" still as yet, I am alone. And I am doing very well for myself, learning to take matters, particularily financial ones into my own hands. This is a great learning oppurtunity for myself.
As much as we always said, "maybe in a couple of years" I doubt it will or would ever happen. I am too stubborn to let go of the life I am forging for myself, and I am sure he is too stubborn to the do the same, and there is no meeting in the middle in situations like these. Live and let live. I wish I could know more about his life, but at the same time that would simply be backsliding.
SO I move on, and I go to work tomorrow, then I take my dog to the barn and I ride my current horse, who isn't mine, and I drink the last three beers in this six pack. Then on Sunday I go see a friend and her dog, walk, eat and drink some more before work tomorrow. The key is to stay too busy, too exhausted, and too dehydrated to cry. Then eventually, like all the times in the past, I meet someone else, fall in love, and let it start all over again. And in the meantime, I survive on my wild fantasies, they're dirty and impossible, but at least they're fun!
Life is pretty cyclic to be something so straightforward.
so goodnight
<3 P
I'm a little buzzed after 3 beers, not much but enough that I keep hitting the wrong keys and having to backspace to correct my atrocious typing. The last two days at work have been hectic, I worked 13 hours yesterday. Two PTS's and an emergancy that we held onto for a few hours before sending it to an overnight clinic, where the dog died, either there or in transit. HEAT STOKE in animals is REAL! If you truly care about your pets, please understand that thier bodies are EXACTLY like ours and they deserve the SAME CARE as a human!!!!! for gods sake GET THEM OUT OF THE HEAT!!! This poor mastiff would have lived a long happy life if it weren't for negligent naive owners who left her outdoors during record summer heat and humidity.
Sometimes I can barely belive I was ever any younger than I am now (and I am hardly old). Its so strange how life changes and distorts you, how it corrects and forms you. I miss huge portions of my past, I miss being a "couple" incredibly. The pain is real and there. I even called a hopeline a few weeks ago, for some desperate reason. I miss the love and generosity of what I used to have, what I had been given. But at the same time, it was a selfish and unhealthy relationship. You must know and love youself before you can ever fully and happily know and love another. I am doing. And I am doing well. I am forming a carreer and vision of myself that I'm not really sure I ever really believed in, but am making come true. I always saw myself as dependant, I never truly believed I could be out there on my own, as much as I was desperate for it. And while I am not "out on my own" still as yet, I am alone. And I am doing very well for myself, learning to take matters, particularily financial ones into my own hands. This is a great learning oppurtunity for myself.
As much as we always said, "maybe in a couple of years" I doubt it will or would ever happen. I am too stubborn to let go of the life I am forging for myself, and I am sure he is too stubborn to the do the same, and there is no meeting in the middle in situations like these. Live and let live. I wish I could know more about his life, but at the same time that would simply be backsliding.
SO I move on, and I go to work tomorrow, then I take my dog to the barn and I ride my current horse, who isn't mine, and I drink the last three beers in this six pack. Then on Sunday I go see a friend and her dog, walk, eat and drink some more before work tomorrow. The key is to stay too busy, too exhausted, and too dehydrated to cry. Then eventually, like all the times in the past, I meet someone else, fall in love, and let it start all over again. And in the meantime, I survive on my wild fantasies, they're dirty and impossible, but at least they're fun!
Life is pretty cyclic to be something so straightforward.
so goodnight
<3 P