ponette

When I was living in LA last February I read a year's worth of Esquire Magazine that my flatmate, Jason had in the living room. There is a regular column there called 10 Things You Don't Know About Women. Each month a publicist of a gorgeous female celebrity creates the list and then sends it to the magazine as if the celeb hereself wrote it. (Hey, may as well say it like it is) Anyway, here are my 10 Things for your reading enjoyment. I wrote them all by myself!

Things You Dont Know About Women:

We wish all of you were required to take a class on how to bring us to orgasm. Because 90% of you have no clue.

Hiding your "package" behind sheets, a pillow or your fumbling hands after sex is not good. Letting it all hang out, like the man we know you are reeks of confidence and may get you a second round.

We want to love you. We really do.

We don't want to think about car maintenance, how to make the stereo sound better or what brand of tools are in the garage.

We think that if you want us to buy bigger breasts, it's only fair that you buy a bigger dick.

Your mother doesn't like us and we know it.

The amount we trust you and the more communication you give is directly linked to how much and what quality nooky you'll be getting.

We are counting your drinks even if you aren't.

If we feed you, clean your apartment or buy you an item of clothing, we are probably falling in love with you.

Watching you play on a sports team or in a band makes us want to rip your clothes off right then and there. So don't ignore us after the big game; we're just getting started.