pomfelo

I am such an idiot.

I went out to a karaoke bar with T, the other Asperger's person my counselor introduced me to. We had a good time. Songs were sung, drinks were drunk (only by me, but still...). Then I had to go and be an asshole.

Here's when it happened. T made an allusion to an old SNL skit involving a cartoon chicken. The thing that runs me on more than anything in the world is silly/geeky references. There were little cartoon hearts over my head.

So we're leaving, and I drove T to her car. Now, most of the time, I'd let her know I like her by kissing her. I think she felt something too because she tried an awkward hug which was stopped by the car and tried to meet me around the side.

Here's the thing about Asperger's people. That's BIG. So I tried to let her know by kissing her. BUT...Asperger's people can't just kiss each other. That kind of thing has to be negotiated. (Someone gives me a friendly tap on the shoulder and I wanna stab them in the throat. I didn't want to be violently attacked.)

So I told her I wanted to kiss her. She stammered and said something about getting into her car which confused me. She was trying to say that she didn't want to kiss in the parking lot, and so we got in the car and I kissed her.

I thought it was okay, but she seemed underwhelmed. I think. I don't know. I can't read people well, and she can't express herself. I don't know. And like an idiot I went in for another and was ignored...but we chatted nervously and went in for another one which was better received. BLARRRGH!

And she's getting on a cruise ship tomorrow morning. I mean, I had to make a move or I'd be stuck in the friend zone, right? We said we'd call/talk. But again, we're Aspys. I THINK that means we're cool. I mean, Asperger's people could kiss and say we should just be friends, AND JUST BE FRIENDS!

So confused. I'm such a dork. I think maybe I pushed too far. Idiot.

And I blame all of you.

...

Look, I had such a shit week, gimme some irrationality.