This is how i started last night....
This is how it ended.
So much for the laughing.
Im not spoilering my vent. The picture was enough.
I need to leave.
Some people down here need to know I won't be around forever. I won't give up on them - but they need to realize what I mean in their life. I definately have less and less to leave behind. I kinda wish I didn't.
I feel so lost. And insecure. And I don't know who to trust.
I feel some people here give you so much at first, then they take it away from u before u actually get to know them and what they are about.
It's like they bring you an awsome package....make u want it, make u interested on it, make u wanna rip the wrapping right off. Then they put it in a closet, and say "No, no." Or they don't even say anything - they just hide it from you.
They make me so confused. And these are ppl that I know have so much to offer, and I so want them in my life. And when it seems they've started to take me in, I feel like I was spit right back out, and have to start again from scratch.
Maybe the problem is me.
Maybe I'm the one trusting or expecting too much. Maybe I've got to realize that I just got here, and other pple were here way before me, and there may be an order to follow. I've always had a tendency to go for the most difficult ppl to "acquire".
But I need people like them, like you, in my life - close to me. Physically close. Present.
I am so not an island, I've gone mad when I was forced to be one. I don't feel I make any sense. I don't feel you all deserve to read this. But this is all I got atm.
I wanna thank the ones who care, and wanted to know what was going on, and ask them to forgive me if they feel this post has to do with them. U should know who you are, and how much u mean to me.
And apologize to the ones who definately have nothing to do with this.
It's a mad world indeed.
And tomorrow is gonna suck. I'll be better tho, I know, once I swallow it all.
Thanks again if u are still reading this.
xoxo
you're good people. I like it.